Episode Report Card Mr. Stupidhead: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Tattle Tale Heart
By Mr. Stupidhead | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.19.1999
Hallway. SuperMom to Matt: "You have to tell Ruthie you're moving."
Ruthie's soon-to-be-ex-room. Matt enters with every intention of telling Ruthie that he's moving out, but somehow he intuits that Ruthie told THE COLONEL and Grandma everything about Aunt Julie. Ruthie admits it, and Matt begins to lecture her about consequences (whatever). Simon enters (all the siblings are standing right outside the door in the hallway) and says, "Don't yell at her. I told George, and I'm sure he told them by now." Matt: "Oh, Simon!" Simon: "Well, they were gonna find out anyway!" Matt: "But we agreed that dad would tell them." Then all the siblings enter, and they all admit that they're guilty of telling the Grandfolks about Julie. Lucy lets it slip that Matt is moving out before Matt has a chance to tell Ruthie himself, and Mary makes a face like she just smelled a rotten-egg fart. Matt tries to explain by saying that "it's just time for me to move on." Ruthie: "No kidding. For the past year I've been telling my friends you were my Dad!" They all chuckle heartily, sharing the "Oh, Alice!" look again, then stand awkwardly for about ten seconds. Note to the editors: when a scene is over, cut it. Oh yeah, one more thing. Tell Ruthie to shut up for me.
Now we're outside with Hank and Julie, getting the BBQ ready. Enter RevCam with a few grocery bags, looking like death itself. If you think I am exaggerating, guess again -- his face is literally gray. Annie comes out and announces that THE COLONEL, Ruth, and George have arrived. RevCam begins to flail. Hank asks him if he feels all right, to which Eric responds, "Oh, yeah, just a little indigestion, that's all." Hank: "Don't worry. They're gonna love me. I'm very lovable." Enter THE COLONEL with Granny Ruth. RevCam: "Mom. Dad. This is Hank. Dr. Hastings. Julie's..." "Julie's husband," pipes in Julie, as the RevCam steps back, clutching his left arm. "The father of your grandchild." And it's THE COLONEL, streaking down the court. He looks a bit concerned: "Will you look at that, Ruth?" Uh-oh. This could be bad... "Julie, you've never looked more beautiful." OOOOOOHHHHHHHH! PUMP-FAKE! And THE COLONEL nails it from the three-point line! Word, Gramps.
Meanwhile, as hugs and kisses and congratulations are being shared, Eric (who now looks like the Tin Man, he's practically silver) and Annie look at each other, completely baffled by THE COLONEL's behavior. "My parents have been abducted by aliens," says RevCam. I'm surprised he can still talk. He honestly looks like a corpse. The Grandfolks go to tell George, and again we hear the beating of the Telltale Heart as Eric clutches his left arm and begins to stumble. Hank asks, "Hey, you okay, buddy?" then tells Julie to call Dr. Peterson in the ER while he gets his bag. Annie: "Eric?" Eric: "I think...I'm having...a heart attack." Actually, some pretty nice acting from Stephen Collins (despite the make-up) and Catherine Hicks. But still, come on. Note to the writers: I know you don't have a lot of faith in the general viewing public, but you could try to be a little subtler.