Episode Report Card Gwen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Mary Liar Bore
By Gwen | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.05.2000
At the bank, a representative is offering to extend Mary's credit line and lower her minimum payment requirement. "More credit?" says Mary. "Sign me up!" The woman across the desk warns that Mary's interest rate will go up and that she'll wind up paying more in the end. The end is far off to Mary, so she agrees to the plan. The woman asks her for thirty dollars instead of the fifty originally agreed upon. "I just made twenty dollars!" says Mary. I'm going to invite Mary to my house to play poker. I wonder if the woman earned a toaster oven for talking another dummy into increasing interest.
It occurs to Ruthie that the CamRents might rattle the piggy banks and realize they're empty. Lucy does the math and finds that Mary has a week before Annie makes the next piggy-bank deposit. All they have to do is put a few pennies or pebbles in each bank so that they'll rattle. I guess these kids aren't wily enough to think of that, though. Can I help it if I'm a criminal mastermind?
At this point, I'm really wishing that Ruthie would expectorate, or that Simon would shoot up smack or something. This all-Mary-all-the-time episode is really working my nerves. She's at the car dealership, signing up for another high interest rate. She now has ninety-five dollars of the twins' money freed up. I wonder what she'll spend it on. A Three Stooges film festival, maybe?
Annie calls Eric at his sister's, and they apologize to each other. We find out that Julie spilled the babysitting beans to RevCam. Julie gets on my nerves.
Mary asks her insurance agent if she can get an extended credit plan there, too. The agent tells her that the payments are made over a twelve-month period. "Now, if the calendar ever changes and we have thirteen months a year instead of twelve, come on back and I'll see what I can do," she says ultra-sarcastically. Heh. She should work for MBTV. Mary shows her teeth, uncertain whether or not she's been dissed. Then she goes outside and sees a "Help Wanted" sign in a shop window. "Is this my lucky day or what?" she says to no one. My lucky day will be the day that I write my next recap and Mary's no longer on the show.
Mary's turned in her application. The man behind the counter notices that she's had a lot of jobs in the past three months. She claims that she's still searching for the perfect one. He asks what salary she's hoping for. "Twice what I made waiting tables. That would be good," says Mary. The guy remarks that she has spunk. "Yeah. Spunk like a fox!" says Mary. Just kidding. She actually compares herself to Mary Tyler Moore. The shop proprietor gets all happy because that's his favorite show. He hires Mary at her exorbitant rate. Before leaving, she remembers to ask him what exactly the job is. "Oh, I think you know what I want you to do, you hot little minx," the guy says. Just kidding again. He says that she'll be a counterperson. Mary walks out as the guy's wife walks in. The guy announces that Mary's the new counterperson. "In your dreams," his wife says. "Not another pretty little high-school student who knows nothing about books." The guy tries to rebel, but his wife gives him the domestic smackdown. He'll have to call Mary and tell her she didn't get the job after all. Poor old guy. Guess he'll have to keep spanking it in front of his Mary Tyler Moore reruns.