Episode Report Card Drunken Bee: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Welcome to the Border
By Drunken Bee | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 06.16.2008
Previously, Nancy set a whole lot of shit (her house, her town, her family) on fire. The credits run, and it's Malvina Reynolds back on the mic, burning-up Majestic before our eyes.
Celia is in the interrogation room with Till, getting questioned about her involvement with the grow house. She sasses him, he harasses her. She tries to turn the conversation back to the "drug things" she's in there to talk about, but all he wants to talk about is whether or not she likes to be on top. Celia insists that she was only renting the house to a friend in order to make money, and then declares that Till needs to question -- carefully enunciated -- "Nancy Botwin."
And as quick as that, she's there. God do I love this hot mess. The Botwins are at a roadside rest stop, Nancy and Shane (who seems to have discovered his pituitary gland during the hiatus) are at a picnic table trying to avoid bird shit raining from the sky. I have a feeling shit will continue raining from the sky on these folks for quite some time. Andy runs out and is reliably overexcited about the scatological graffiti in the bathroom. Shane complains that Nancy smells like gasoline while Nancy mumbles some weak denials of this fact. Silas walks up and the two boys start asking questions about where they're going and whether they're on the run. Nancy says they're going to visit their Bubbie, who Andy informs us hates Nancy because she isn't Jewish and thinks Silas has a "face like a goy." Silas joins the "mommy smells like a Citgo" chorus and Nancy wonders aloud "why am I not smelling it?" but then offers to drive the van while the three boys take the Prius. Another bird comes shooting out of the sky and Nancy shoos it away. She walks away from the group and starts emptying some items -- one of which appears to be a bag of pot? -- into the trash can. Apropos of nothing the boys have said, she turns to them and yells across "Okay, fine! I spilled gas on myself when I was pouring it on the furniture." Andy, Shane, and Silas stare at her in disbelief as she confesses to setting the house on fire and then tells them that "it's time to move on."
Back in the interrogation room, Celia tries to name names, except ends up sounding like she's telling a "walks into a bar" joke with the mentions of the "blacks," "the gay Indian kid" and "the Christian girl." Till continues to try to seduce her in the most demented manner imaginable, somehow turning a mention of "a parasitic twin growing out of my stomach" into an invitation for her to take his shirt off. Celia tells him he's pathetic and he tells her she'll be spending the night there. He offers to have someone bring her a "diet pop" and when she tries to clarify, "Diet Coke" he utters some truly disturbing words: "No. Diet Shasta. In a can. Room temperature. No straw." I smell a Supreme Court appeal with that kind of cruel and unusual punishment.