Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Smells Like Fish, Tastes Like Chicken (Parte Un)
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.21.2002
Here Be Hags, Deep-Sea Division. Sorry. I've grown weary of typing those twee single quotes. Mylar, suicidally despondent, agrees to accept the Shell Of Suck from Hagnes, and draws the thing to her breast. The tentacles of The Shell's beastie fondle said breast for a moment, then disappear under her skin. The Shell Of Suck glows as Mylar swoons against the seafaring debris to which she's been lashed. Down in the glimmering pool of water, Phoebe surfaces to gape at the figures in the cavern.
Back on land, the Dolt announces that Phoebe's calling for them. The three link hands and begin to orb out, but at the last second, Piper snatches her hands away and collapses against an outcropping of rock, panting.
Here Be Hags. Raige and the Dolt orb in and startle Hagnes, who had been leering maliciously at the glowing Shell Of Suck. Hagnes hurls a water ball at Raige while the Dolt scampers off to the side to retrieve a broadsword from the assorted nautical trash on the cavern floor. Raige dodges the water ball and summons The Shell Of Suck from Mylar's breast with her orbing telekinesis. Mylar remains in her swoon as a gaping, bloody wound oozes on her chest. Hagnes flicks her hand, encasing Raige in some sort of demonic cloud that leaves her enmeshed in seaweed. The Shell Of Suck falls to the floor and rolls into the glimmering pool. Phoebe dives to retrieve it. Meanwhile, the Dolt hacks at Hagnes with the broadsword, but Hagnes dematerializes long enough for the sword to pass harmlessly through her body. When she rematerializes, she envelops the Dolt in one of those crappy CGI pillars of water. Finally, in slow-motion, Phoebe uses her tail to propel herself out of the pool five feet into the air. From her mid-air vantage point, Phoebe spikes The Shell Of Suck into Hagnes's chest like she's some sort of demented, anorexic water polo player getting in one last goal before the clock runs out. Hagnes shrieks and howls and moans and wails and disintegrates into a pile of dust on the floor of the cavern.
With the vanquish of Hagnes, Raige and the Dolt are free of their restraints, and they dart over to Mylar. The Dolt, sopping wet, applies the tingly touch, but it doesn't take because, as he puts it, Mylar's "not human." Raige urges him to fetch the boyfriend from his airplane. The Dolt bounces out and bounces right back in again with Craig. The conversation that follows goes something like this:
Craig: She is a freak!