Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Freedumb
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 02.06.2008
After a lovely stock shot of the Golden Gate Bridge, we see Sassy Patti (the show seems to want us to notice how sassy she is, so that's what she will heretofore be called) walking out of her office telling multiple callers via headset to please hold. After literally knocking a co-worker off her feet, she continues to field callers, letting us know that Eli was supposed to be back already. Okay, fine, but is it necessary for him literally to be receiving calls every three seconds? That would add up to almost ten thousand calls a day, and I know Eli's supposed to be the greatest lawyer of his generation or whatever, but I don't think his presence in the office would be enough to take much phone burden off of Sassy Patti here. Anyway, just after a bunch of crates show up, prompting Sassy Patti to threaten Eli's life, the man himself appears with a statue of Saraswati in hand for Sassy Patti. She's unimpressed and ungrateful, and as they pedeconference, he tells her that he's been vision- and music-free for two weeks, so things are back to normal. So...does he think he's got an aneurysm, or that he's a prophet? Either way, it's hard to imagine that this is anything more than a short respite. Sassy Patti asks if that means that they're done "suing the firm" (...okay) and risking their jobs. Eli says yes, but even if they weren't, he's got a piece of paper saying he can't be fired. And as I keep saying, I'm no lawyer, but I've got to think there have to be some ways around that -- is the firm required to keep Eli on if he completely can't or won't work? This isn't the government, right? Sassy Patti makes a different but still valid point, that being that the agreement doesn't protect her. Of course, anyone who tried to can her would get a world of Sassy Hurt all over his ass, so she's probably safer than she realizes. Eli takes his leave, and Sassy Patti goes back to answering the nonstop calls that were courteous enough to take a break for exactly the length of time of her conversation with Eli.
Eli joins a staff meeting, already in progress, just as Jordan is telling everyone about acquiring a new London branch. After the polite applause, Jordan welcomes Eli back from his..."nervous breakdown," Matt loser-sneezes into his hand. And we all know, thanks to Jesse Bradford, that the loser sneeze and variants thereof were over back when Bring It On came out, so step into the new millennium, Matt. Eli overshares that he's "back" in all senses of the word, although his declaration that he won't be suing the firm again is worth it for Victor Garber's delicious response of "And we're all grateful for that." Hee. Jordan then brings up a new case ("United States vs. Salinsky", if it's ever relevant in the future); after Matt acts like a know-it-all douche some more, Eli totally snatches the case from him and then gives a gloating nod in his direction. Heh. The next case, "Ramirez vs. Gro-Plus Farms," is announced in the tone of voice that Jordan might use to mention that he just sat in gum, so it's no surprise when a first-year associate, "Maggie Dekker," pipes up and says it's a worker's comp claim she brought in. This doesn't bother me because I would never have known, but I'll just quickly mention that according to the lawyers on the boards, this would never happen -- workers in these cases seek redress from the Worker's Compensation Board, not from a jury, and often the company isn't even involved, just its insurer. Also, Maggie is played by Julie Gonzalo, who was Parker on Veronica Mars, and I liked her a lot in that role but I'm not so sure about this one. Anyway, Tom Amandes (according to IMDb, his character's name is "Martin Posner," but you won't be hearing that from me again) asks how she was able to pull in such a big company as a client, but she tells him that they'd actually be representing the workers. Tom Amandes smoothly tells her that it's their policy not to allow first-year associates to take on new matters, but she replies that she thought that this case might be in Eli's "particular wheelhouse." Eli looks up, all "Who would have thought that winning a case against my own company would repeatedly come back to haunt me?" He tells her that "unwinnable cases aren't a wheelhouse," and as he'll be too busy with Salinsky, he'll pass. She tries to say something else, but he forcefully repeats himself. However, when Jordan moves things along, Eli starts to hear what sounds like a boys' choir, and if you're in tune with the episode title you'll know what's coming down the pike. Eli checks his phone just to make sure he doesn't have "Freedom '90" as his ringtone ["If he doesn't, he really should. God damn, that's a good song." -- Joe R], and then literally bangs his head on the desk, to everyone's dismay. And they don't even know about the aneurysm.