Episode Report Card Maggie: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Laser Labels and TV Dinners
By Maggie | Season 3 | Episode 12 | Aired on 04.17.2001
Felicity walks into the apartment, and Elena jumps out at her, lets out a Miss Piggy "hi-yah," and drops Felicity to the floor. Felicity implores her to stop attacking her, but Elena explains that if Elena had been a burglar, Felicity would be dead by now. Felicity asks Elena to let her up, and Elena says she won't until Felicity promises to take the self-defense class. Felicity says that she'll take the class when she has time, but that, at the moment, she's facing a very important deadline. Elena asks if it's more important than her life. Felicity claims that she has work and school and Knoll -- who's facing "an existential crisis" -- to deal with. Elena blah blahs about how empowering the class is, and that maybe Knoll's problem is that he "needs a good flipping over." Heh. Yeah, I'd prescribe a flipping for Knoll so long as it was Chow Yun-Fat who administered it.
Felicity phones Knoll, who is reading at the loft. ["He's reading Sartre, no less. Get a life, Knoll." -- Wing Chun] She tells him that "Morrison called [her]," and that they "have to get Pet Store done." She left out the "Loser," which is the most important part, in my opinion. ["And they don't have to finish jack because Icebox.com went out of business a few months ago." -- Wing Chun] Knoll whines that he doesn't feel like working. Felicity announces that they have to get it done, so she's going to come over later to work on it. Knoll groans, "Fine." He hears a knock at the door and hangs up on Felicity. I wish Knoll could hear my mother give one of her "you want to whine? I'll give you something to whine about" speeches. He opens the door, and the young blonde woman standing there says that she's looking for Ben. Knoll most ungraciously grunts, "Yeah?" The woman tries again and asks whether Ben lives there. Self-centred Knoll responds, "Depends how you define 'live.'" Blondie gamely asks whether she may leave a message for Ben. Knoll says, "Pen on the table. Close the door." Blondie comes in and sits at the table. She has a small gift-wrapped box with her. Ben parks himself back on the sofa. Blondie writes a note and asks Knoll to tell Ben that "Avery Swanson" came by. The realization that this is the woman who actually took the bullet floors Knoll. She's able to be polite after surviving being shot and Mr. Didn't-Even-Sustain-A-Flesh-Wound can't carry on a conversation. Go figure. He tells Avery that she's the reason he's "laying there," because ever since the shooting, he's been going over it in his tiny mind. If any of you readers ever again have the nerve to ask me why I don't like Knoll, please refer to this scene. I know his type. In another ten to fifteen years he's going to be having the first of many serial mid-life crises. This is someone who, under no circumstances, should be indulged. In the middle of imputing blame for his sloth, he thinks to offer Avery a chair. She insists that she's okay; in fact, she can stand on her own again, and she likes to do so. Knoll demands, "Since that night, does it all seem pointless to you?" I think she might have been justified in saying that it hadn't until she met him. Instead, she smiles serenely and says, "That night reprioritized everything for me. Gave me new purpose." Knoll manages to say, "Really." All through the scene I was trying to figure out who Avery looked like. I realized that it wasn't just one person but a composite of Portia de Rossi, Amy Smart, Teri Polo, and Courtney Thorne-Smith. While those women are all somewhat attractive individually, put them together and you get someone who looks remarkably like a drag queen. Avery is wearing a scarf over where her Adam's Apple would be. I'm just saying.