Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Better Than Ezria
By Jacob Clifton | Season 2 | Episode 7 | Aired on 07.26.2011
Moms: "Man, it's not like when we were in high school. Bitches used to just say you were 'frigid,' or 'easy,' but now it's like, they run over you with cars and shove you out of clock towers and stage elaborate sinister fashion shows."
Moms: "It's this internet. It's this cyberbullying is what it is."
Moms: "And have you heard about meantweets? They're just like regular tweets, but they're so mean."
Ella: "As the only parent who would actually put this pattern together, and the parent of someone who is about to go batshit crazy, I've been thinking about this. And then you're the only other intelligent person, so I thought you might confirm whether I'm paranoid."
Ashley: "Oh, I don't think you're paranoid. But I mean, I keep my money in my lasagna, so..."
Ella: "More wine, please. I have to go to my wine party in an hour."
Ashley: "My life is a wine party."
Ella: "Maybe the whole therapy and splitting-them-up thing was a bad call."
Ashley: "Peter Hastings is evil. Just putting that out there."
Ella: "Cool, I'm not going to react or respond to that info. Should we talk to the other mommies?"
Ashley: "Um, Pam Fields is resilient and caring and a lot of admirable things, but she also sucks her husband's gym socks. And then you got the Hastingses..."
Ella: "Don't go there, girl!"
(They chortle about how fucked up the Hastings family is.)
Ashley: "Hahaha! But seriously, somebody is trying to murder our daughters right in front of us."
BARNYARD OF DOOM
Spencer's Dad: (Jumps out of the woods and into Toby's pants, startling him.)
Toby: "Hey, I just found this buried piece of a hockey stick covered in blood, isn't that interesting?"
Peter: "No, it's not interesting."
Toby: "But it says HASTINGS on it. Like how your last name is also that."
Peter: "I didn't give you permission to read the murder weapons on my property, Cavanaugh. Don't make me regret giving you this job."
Toby: "But a girl died in your yard, of blunt force trauma..."
Peter: "Your hair has become so alarmingly large that I think it's affecting your judgment."
Dear Toby's Hair: There is no trick you can do that's going to balance out or distract from the Ongoing Surprise Party that is Toby's Face. Stop trying to compensate and just let us enjoy it for what it is.