Episode Report Card Joe R: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Lude Awakening
By Joe R | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 09.04.2005
Heylia's, which this time is prefaced by several establishing shots of rough-and-tumble ghetto exteriors, people drinking and smoking and thuggishly leaning on fences. We'll find out why in a second. Inside, Nancy is animatedly describing the Hodes' Diet Coke carpet bombing, saying it's not as innocuous as it sounds -- dropped from that kind of height, those bottles are like "little torpedoes." Heylia scoffs that "that white lady gonna make out like Haliburton." Vaneeta asks how much she owes Nancy for the clothes, but Nancy grins ear-to-ear and says they're a gift. Vaneeta objects to being made into a charity case, but Conrad calls her out for accepting free cheese down at the church. Vaneeta says Heylia makes her go. Heylia says she doesn't make her do shit, and furthermore, don't act like you're too proud for free shit. "If it's free, it's me," Heylia sums up. "And don't act like you don't like free cheese just because this white lady's standing here. Fuck her." "Yeah, fuck me," deadpans Nancy. Conrad has her take a whiff of this Clark Kent weed he's got for her, which he says will make you want to rip off your clothes and start fighting crime." Talk then turns to how, with this payment, Nancy's getting her Range Rover back, which in turn leads Nancy to stammeringly explain how she dropped something on Conrad's car today, but before Conrad can finish reading her the riot act, some car drives by the house and starts shooting up the place. Everyone hits the floor except for Nancy, who's frozen. Conrad has to drag her down before she gets shot. The car speeds away as Heylia, Conrad, and Vaneeta pop up brandishing guns, which...were they underneath the table? Heylia was hiding a shotgun in her bra? Anyway, everyone kind of dusts themselves off and get back to business except Nancy, who can barely move she's in so much shock (Heylia offers to slap her). Conrad starts to give her more shit about the car, but Heylia yells that she's just had her shooting cherry broken and to give her the keys. Nancy kind of staggers on out and Heylia sums it all up for us: "White folks get soda pop, niggas get bullets." Truly, the man who invents a bullet with a fizzy cola center will be the man to bring racial harmony to all.
I'm amazed Nancy was able to drive home considering how utterly freaked she is. She pulls into her driveway and gets out of the car when a car passing by backfires and she drops to the ground like it's an air raid. As she does, we're able to see the improvements to the car that Conrad had mentioned earlier: shiny, spinning rims. Time-Lapse Nancy then makes it to her bathroom, crawls into her tub, and passes out. Some time later, Andy walks into the bathroom unannounced (oh, Andy) with some papers Doug wants her to sign so they can officially acquire the space for the bakery. Andy's all enthusiastic about it, envisioning a Botwin and Botwin partnership, while Nancy doesn't want to be bothered. Andy says she has to act now, before the space gets sold to a vitamin store. "This town doesn't need more ginko biloba," says Andy, "it needs pot brownies!" Nancy tells him that her eyes were opened today about how "the downside of this business is death," and she's thinking about enrolling in dental hygiene school so her sons don't become orphans. Andy further strengthens her resolve not to die when he says that he'd raise Silas and Shane as his own. Nancy tells him the business is hers, and she doesn't want him involved in it. Andy begs, saying he was born to cook pot brownies, but Nancy harshly tells him if he wants to sell drugs, do it on his own. Andy, actually hurt, which I heretofore didn't think was possible, sulks out.