Episode Report Card Sars: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Dear old golden rule days
By Sars | Season 4 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.10.2001
Yeah, finger this, Tom Green.
Cut to the college counselor's office, where Joey and Bessie harangue the college counselor about the aid problem. It's not like College Counselor can control the Worthington bursar's decision, so I don't know why -- oh, right. To do the Exposition Mambo and convince us that there's no way Joey can get more money. When CC quite reasonably suggests that Joey take out loans, as so many other students do, Joey point-blank refuses to wind up sixty grand in debt after college, which is ridiculous logic in the first place, and sixty thousand dollars is mere peanuts compared to the debt many kids graduate with in the second place, and this entire excuse for a plot is so absurd and poorly researched that I don't know if I can even recap it properly, so far removed is it from reality. Anyway, Joey says she'll just go somewhere else -- not a bad plan, because she can get a good education just about anywhere -- but of course Bessie has to remind her that "this is [her] dream," and Joey has to say all Miss Shouldering The Heavy Burden Of Princesshood that "sometimes dreams don't always come true." Do I have to list the myriad reasons why this storyline is not only absurd, but an affront to students who have chosen to attend state schools, not to mention to the viewers' intelligence? No? Good, because there isn't enough tequila in the city of New York.
Joey and Bessie pull into the PB&B driveway in the pick-up to find Dawson unloading foodstuffs from…a Jeep soft-top? The hell? Joey holds a hand to her forehead all poor-me as Bessie blathers that a barbecue is "the last thing" Joey needs, and she'll send everyone home. God, Bessie, don't encourage her. Joey snots that Bessie's not sending anyone anywhere, or telling them anything, "not a word," but then she gets out of the car without even wiping the tears off her cheeks, like, Joey? Just admit that you totally love the attention you get from denying that anything's wrong and then pouting, usually about nothing, because we know you do, because YOU DO IT ALL THE TIME. Ugh. Joey sulks out of the car, face all wet, and Dawson shows her a cake with "congratulations" written on it in brown icing, and Bessie makes a big show of taking the cake from him and leaving the two of them alone. Wheh? Joey asks Dawson where everyone is, and Dawson says they're out back, and Gretchen "got dragged into the whole New York debate" between Jen and Jack, which he avoided because New York "didn't want anything to do with" him, and -- okay, no, it's just too easy. Also, HA HA! But Joey falls for the sympathy-getting ploy because that's her purpose in life, and she makes melted-wax face until Dawson points out that "that was a self-deprecating aside" -- and again, to his credit, I think he actually intended it that way -- and that she's "still doing it." "What?" "Acting weird around me." Well, Dawson, when you emotionally blackmail a woman into thinking that she can't function without your explicit approval, that's what happens. You wanted a puppet, and that's exactly what you got, so cram it. Dawson tells her she should be happy, so Joey tries to pretend to be happy for Dawson's benefit. Then he asks her how it went with the college counselor: "Pacey said something about a mix-up?" Joey lies that "it was nothing" and "it was great," because, you know, Dawson told her to feel happy, so she, you know, totally should. She heads inside; Dawson watches her go and furrows his giant brow all "hmmmm."