Episode Report Card Evany: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Miracle Song
By Evany | Season 3 | Episode 10 | Aired on 11.25.2006
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.The police arrest Mike for Monique's murder, which is all the reason Bree needs to forgive Orson. It's also all the reason Edie needs to dump Mike. And all the reason Susan needs to come running to Mike's rescue. Susan, convinced that Orson's the real culprit, launches into full-on Susie Drew mode: she steals keys to Orson's office and discovers records of his time in an insane asylum. Unfortuantely, all the snooping makes Susan late for a big dinner with Ian's parents, which turns out not to be such a big deal, because the parents' flight was delayed. But Ian's still so hurt that he's clearly not Susan's number-one priority that he decides to throw money at the problem: he offers to pay for Mike's defense if and only if Susan agrees never to see Mike again. Apparently, he's never heard the Sting anthem, "If You Love Somebody, Set Them Free (To Visit Their Jailed Love Plumber)." Gabby and Vern are preparing a group of girls for the Snowflake competition, and one little girl, Amy, is not up to snuff. Team Beautiful decides to give Amy the boot; who cares if the little girl's mom died just last year? But when Gabby gets an eyeful of Amy's dad, who is "fine," she offers to give Amy private Snowflake lessons as an excuse to get closer to him. Amy figures out what's going on and tells Gabby to move along: Amy has big plans for her dad to marry her best friend's mom. And nasty Gabby? Removes this obstacle by manufacturing a rift between Amy and her best friend. So much for Gabby's big breakthrough just last week -- the one about how she just wanted to help those poor, sweet girls. Now that Orson's back in Bree's good graces, they take steps to put Gloria away in some community for elderly evildoers. When Gloria gets wind of the fact that she's being issued her walking papers, she places a mysterious phone call to arrange a secret meeting with none other than the presumed-murdered Alma Hodge. Mrs. McCluskey's neighborhood campaign to spread Lynette's news about Art the Pedophile spirals out of control, and the whole neighborhood goes vigilante-crazy, shunning Art when he arrives at the big Wisteria Lane holiday bash dressed as Santa Claus, and picketing Art's house, and pelting Art with rocks. Lynette feels guilty for all the insanity she's unleashed, but that's nothing compared to the guilt she feels when sick sister Rebecca reacts to all the stress by up and dying. Distraught Lynette visits Art to offer her condolences (what?), and he vengefully informs her that he's moving away, and hey: thanks to Lynette, his one safeguard against letting his inner molester run amok (i.e., his sister) has now been removed. So that's a big "happy holidays" to the kids living in whatever future town Art hits next. Ho, ho...no. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on Desperate Housewives: last week's many stirring revelations (Art's still a potential pedophile, Gabby is a hero among little Snowflakes, and Mike's an idiot robot), plus Orson murdered a parrot and maybe his wife.
We open on a panoramic shot of Blood Drive Park, which is getting decked with some serious fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la: gigantor candy canes, shiny ornaments, the majestic North Pole. There is no actual snow to be seen, this, after all, being the Eagle State. MAVO gushes that what we're seeing here is the bustle and hustle for the annual holiday block party, a big Wisteria Lane tradition to which "everyone's invited." Bree sits at home stuffing invitations, and angel Andrew dutifully walks them out to the mailbox. PervArt open his invite and smile hugely. MAVO: "But as the big night drew near, more than holiday cheer was being spread around." Mrs. McCluskey gossips to Edie about Art being naughty not nice with his swim team, Carlos tells Mike, Austin tells Julie.
Party Time. Everyone's drinking and laughing and making out under the mistletoe when who should roll up but Art, dressed in full-on Santa gear, with his sad sister rolling beside him in her motorized wheelchair. She's got an oxygen tube in her nose, a sad little elf cap strapped to her head, and sad pointy elf shoes on her feet. They both look eager and happy, their faces just shining with excitement. Oh god, this is going to be really, really bad. The whole gossip-primed party greets them by going painfully silent, like even the blaring carols on the sound system mysteriously fade away. Art fills the void with some excruciating "ho, ho, ho"-ing and tries to get the kiddies interested in his "sack of toys," if you know what I mean. All the parents make a big show of restraining their children. Drunken Ida, however, waves hugely at Art and wishes him a "Merry Christmas," but then Mrs. McGossip grabs her arm and viciously whispers the whole story into her ear. Ida's face darkens. Scrooge and his little sad-dog sidekick sister look confused; then Art locks eyes with Lynette, who's standing tall with her Searing Judgment From On High face making a proud showing. Finally, finally -- after I've died one thousand deaths on my couch waiting for this heinous anus of a scene to just end already -- Art and Sis get the gist that they're not wanted, no not at all. (Why on earth did Bree even invite them?) They beat a gruesome, shame-dripping retreat. Ugh, that was so very hard to watch -- in fact, I couldn't stomach it the first time I watched it. I kept my face buried in my hands the whole way through. The poor sister, she seems so nice! Oh, that elf hat just kills me. MAVO: "For Arthur and his sister, it had turned out to be a very silent night." Oh MAVO, that is rich.