Episode Report Card Jessica: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Capeside Revisited
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.23.2001
Boston Bay College Of Contrivance. Jen and Charlie climb through an open window and into a darkened building. Charlie declares this "a Boston Bay tradition." Jen furrows her brows. "What? Breaking into Boston Bay Health Center and stealing condoms is tradition?" she asks. Charlie tells her they aren't stealing; the condoms are free. He points to a sign above a glass bowl full of condoms. "'Gift of the Class of 1990,'" he reads. "'Here's hoping you get laid.'" Jen looks perplexed and asks him if he really thinks the sign says that. Charlie assures her that he's just paraphrasing. Jen slowly realizes that he can't read the sign. "Who can read that from here?" Charlie asks. "It's like China from here." Jen rolls her eyes. "'Gift of the Class of 1990, in anticipation of a world without AIDS,'" she reads easily. I really hope this is the beginning of an Afterschool Special-esque story arc about the functional illiterate, Why Charlie Can't Read. Perhaps this could even kick off a series of storylines lifted from educational television movies for teens of the late seventies and early eighties, like Joey, Portrait of a Teenage Hooker, or Red Asphalt, Starring the Flash. Actually, it just turns out that Charlie is nearsighted, and thinks he looks like a total dork in his glasses. "You are a total dork," Jen tells him, smiling. They do it on the floor. Newsflash: guys in glasses are way hotter than guys who act like they can't read.
Sigma Delta Quota Fraternity. Jack tells Blossom that he's not sure how he feels about the whole quota-filling thing. Blossom shrugs and tells him that all the brothers really like him, and, really, they're all filling some kind of quota. "That's why Sigmas kick butt," he says. That doesn't even make any sense. Anyway, Blossom tells Jack that he's "the one that [they] want." Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey! Jack just wonders if they all understand "the reality" of his gayosity. He tells Blossom that when his boyfriend comes to visit, he'll be sleeping with Jack, there in the house. And showering, there in the house. "Jack, Tobey is welcome," Blossom insists. "Even if you don't live in the house, and he needs a place to crash, this is his home, too. That's what it means to be a brother." Jack smiles at this, and accepts his bid. Cue much backslapping and hugging and being carried around on shoulders.
Liberty Hell Restaurant. Hey, I forgot about this entire plot line! I wish the writers would. Anyway, Danny the Chef takes a look at the giant pile of potatoes over which Pacey has been slaving, and throws them all away. Pacey is appalled. "Why did you waste my time and your money having me do that?" he asks. Danny ignores him, but gives him another tuber to slice. This one is a $1,200 white truffle. See, Danny wants to make sure that Pacey can chop correctly before he gives him an expensive foodstuff to tackle. Or something. I guess it's only important that Pacey understands, which he seems to. Danny then explains that Crabby Karen "has more discipline and motivation than a slack-ass like [Pacey] will ever have. But this isn't kick-boxing. And that's why [he] gave [Pacey] this job instead of her." A light bulb goes on over Pacey's head as he realizes that Karen treats him like crap because she wanted his job. No one else cares.