Episode Report Card Carla Sparks: C- | 11 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT I Did It All For the Cookies
By Carla Sparks | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 01.14.2014
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.After a widely disliked man has his throat slit at a charity auction, Molly Parker and the Texas Rangers suspect the work of a hitman. Using her much-lauded powers of deduction, Molly becomes suspicious of the wife, Nan, who was forced to have plastic surgery on her husband's whim. As the episode's mystery develops, Molly makes time to have sex and connect with Dan, whose terrible wig-like hair defies reason.
In an effort to pinpoint the money trail, Molly spots an imitation Comanche vase at Nan's house. She makes a visit to the interior decorator, Jennifer Jennings, to inquire about its authenticity. Molly learns that the real vase was sold at an auction for approximately the amount one would need to hire a professional assassin. She follows Nan to a park, where an amateurish money drop is made. Molly pursues the guy who picked up the bag of cash, but he's shot dead right in the back before she can apprehend him. This leads us all to wonder is it the worst idea to go digging through public park garbage cans to see if there's bundles of cash in any of those bags?
After Bag Guy gets shot in the back and Nan is caught in photographs making the drop, there's no hiding the deal. Nan confesses to being approached by Bag Guy with an offer to make her husband disappear whenever she's decided she's had enough. One day, Mr. Reed threw away his wife's Girl Scout cookies, which is totally a punishable offense, and she snapped. Again, it never hurts to go through the garbage in a wealthy Texas neighborhood. Apparently the only things in there are Thin Mints and bags of cash.
Molly heads to the obnoxiously named coffee shop (and middle-aged singles club?) The Texas Grind, where Nan met Bag Guy to pull the trigger on her husband's murder. Molly learns from an obnoxious featured extra that Bag Guy's multiple clients were all middle-aged and desperate women. He offers the number of one of them, whose husband died mysteriously in some kind of heart attack/boat accident combo.
Molly questions the second known client of Bag Guy, who is airheaded and cagey, but that doesn't matter because A) Molly is going to comb the river for this bitch's late husband's body and B) she finds out all the women have the same interior decorator: Jennifer Jennings.
Molly's confrontation of Jennifer Jennings goes absolutely nowhere, each of them getting off on being a frosty bitch to the other. The entire episode, Molly has been telling Jake to "sign the damn divorce papers" and he has refused. The night after a disappointing time in court, Molly gets a text from Jake saying he decided to sign the papers. She realizes as she calls Jake on the way over that he didn't send the text, but she's almost too late as Jennifer Jennings has already picked up a lot of complex information about everyone's lives and is ready to frame Molly for Jake's murder.
Molly stops Jennifer with a good old-fashioned girl fight in Jake's house and even after that, Jake still won't sign the damn papers. You win some, you still don't get the divorce papers signed, am I right?
Want more? The full recap starts right below!If you missed the first episode, all you need to know is that Molly Parker is a lady Texas Ranger and not an American Girl doll like we all thought. Also, she's doing it with this guy Dan from the DEA. And what do people do when they're doing it? They shower in their giant, Texas-sized showers together and shave each other's faces and make out before the shaving cream is rinsed off and get so wrapped up in it that they wear their watches in the shower. Yes, both of them are wearing watches, which prompts Molly to realize that they're running late, not that they wore their watches in the shower. God, love makes us do crazy things.
So they towel off and zip each other up, then head to another charity auction. They are so caught up in each other, dancing at this charity auction, that they fail to see the switchblade out in the middle of the dance floor. I'm caught up in this, too. Was Dan's hair always so fucking awful or did they decide he didn't look enough like a gross Jeremy Renner after the first episode? The dancing is interrupted by Jake, Molly's senator soon-to-be-ex-husband. He's there to donate to charity, one would assume, and to tell Molly he'll see her in court.
Jake makes a quick exit, and there is a scream as a man clutches his bloody throat and drops to the dance floor. A waiter is seen running out, and Dan and Molly pursue. But the waiter has run into the Twilight Zone, or some room where like, over 100 waiters are just milling around, holding trays. You know, that room that all banquet halls have? It's set up just like the castle in Neverending Story 2? Anyway, that's where they lost him … or was it her?! (It was a her. This show is called Killer Women.)
Molly quickly discovers that the ad for waiter decoys went out on Craigslist, and, interesting but unrelated detail, the waiters had to supply their own uniforms and trays. What kind of gig is that where you have to bring your own tray? A flash mob gone wrong. Molly's boss relates a story about a college kid who robbed a bank and disappeared into a flash mob of sanitation workers. The moral of this episode? People will do anything to participate in a "flash mob."
We've got another know-it-all male lieutenant on the scene, who doesn't mind the Rangers helping out since they were there on the scene. The dead guy (I guess he bled out, in the end), owns some crappy water parks. Witnesses saw "a waiter" but no one can tell the gender. They don't know this show is about Killer Women. Dan finds a fancy switchblade and probably does some medical examiner work on the side because he was quickly able to diagnose the cause of death and how precise the knife work was. I hate Dan and his stupid charity auction hair.