Episode Report Card Cate: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT How do you solve a problem like Mary?
By Cate | Season 5 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.12.2000
The Hamiltons have answered their summons. Everyone makes the most incredibly stupid, bragging small talk about their kids. Can anyone tell me why some people do this? It can only lead to trouble. It's like this awful Ontario custom of inviting everyone from your wedding to watch you open wedding gifts. You just know somebody's going to get their feelings hurt because their gift looks cheap. You also know that once the bragging starts, one parent is going to feel bad -- unless this parent is wise enough not to give a shit what the other parent's kids are doing. I so rarely run into parents of people I went to school with (living 400 miles from my hometown may be part of it), but when I do, and the inevitable bragging begins, I just smile politely, tell people I live in Toronto, say I'm happy Muffy's doing well, and then get the hell out of there. But I always want to say something like, "I've just been elected prime minister of Canada." Or, "Well, I'd love to chat but I'm on my way to the methadone clinic now." The best part of this scene is where Eric expresses considerable doubt as to whether Dopey will ever get into med school. Hey, I've been saying this for a year now -- which, coincidentally, is about how long I've been writing these recaps. I finally figured out who the Hamiltons are. They're Dopey's roommate's parents. That explains their function on the show, which is to cheer up the CamRents and provide them with advice. Considering John's role on the show is to counsel Matt, I guess there's a nice symmetry there. Well, except for the "nice" part. Finally, Mrs. Hamilton gets around to asking about Mary. The CamRents hem and haw while the Hamiltons exchange significant looks. Did I mention that gossip travels fast in Glenoak?
Lucy rings up Dopey at his Swingin' Bachelor Pad. He answers in a really irritating falsetto. He explains that it's to throw StuporMom off the trail in case she calls again. I'll just pretend I never heard that conversation. Lucy and Matt discuss how weird it is that the Hamiltons are visiting on a school night. They discuss the fact that they have no money to cover for Mary's "loan" from the twins. They discuss that they don't know where Mary is.
Why, you sillies, she's in the theatre, of course! It looks like she's watching the Warner Brothers cartoon with the singing frog. Yeah, yeah, synergy, okay. But why is there a cartoon on after the movie? I probably shouldn't ask questions like that; I should be content with the fact that Mary's just holding her bag of popcorn and not chewing any popcorn with her mouth open. She gets up and leaves the theatre. As she's walking out, she looks at her watch, then walks back over to the ticket-seller and asks for another ticket. He tries to talk her out of it, saying something about waiting "twenty-four hours between screenings," which makes no sense to me whatsoever. Mary just throws him some attitude. He tells her the tickets are five dollars at night, rather than the one dollar she paid during the afternoon. First of all, what kind of moron pays for the same movie twice in one day? And what kind of jerk would require her to, unless it was a sold-out show? There was only a smattering of people at the last show, and there's no compelling reason to believe the crowds will be breaking down the door to catch the next showing of a fifty-year-old cartoon often seen on TV. Secondly, how bad off is Mary if she spends her day at the repertory cinema? I can think of better ways to spend one's time, but it's not like she's kicking orphaned puppies or bilking old people out of their savings. She counts all her change. It doesn't look like it's enough, but the ticket guy gives her a ticket anyway. She repays him by rudely telling him that if the movie has already started, she wants a refund. I believe that is another regrettable attempt to be funny.