Episode Report Card Gwen: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT As we learned in Clueless and Cocoon...
By Gwen | Season 4 | Episode 9 | Aired on 01.07.2001
Just kidding. None of that stuff happened. It was only another scene without a point.
Back at the hospital, Nicolas tells John that forty years before he'd ordered a brandy at a bar and had gotten a waitress named Brandy, instead. "It's a case of communication breakdown that resulted in a marriage instead of breaking one up," says he. Shut up, Nicolas. He says his real fear is that if he stays home all day, Brandy will realize that he's not good enough for her. Yeah, good point. Nicolas asks John to close Melanie's case the next day. The Melancholy Oboe of Hospitalization softly moans.
John works on his closing. Ally comes into his office and babbles a bunch of stupid stuff. John babbles, too. Ally fingers her nose and leaves. Bananarama's "Manic Monday" starts playing and...Just kidding.
Mark and Richard kick back in another office. "What a relief!" says Mark. Richard makes an unfunny remark about Viagra. Elaine walks in and Richard asks her, about Mark, "Not that it's any of my business, but how was he?" Elaine answers by grabbing and kissing Mark, knocking him back onto the desk. "Both moaning," the closed-captioning tells us. Well, that's nice for them, I guess.
Melanie's prosecutor gives a lame closing. John and Melanie do a hand-slamming tic together. John speechifies about Melanie's long life of being stared at. He quotes Oliver Sacks and ponders the imponderable aspects of Tourette's syndrome. He pulls the old "unless you've walked in her shoes" argument and then the old "if you have doubt, you must acquit" routine.
Nicolas, Brandy, and Larry sit on the hospital bed and play Scrabble. They say pseudo-nasty words that aren't funny. Nicolas says, "Oh, balls," and I want to sock him in the head, even if he is an old man. Then he implies that he means to retire. He and Brandy hold hands and Brandy tells Larry that the case is over. Larry gratefully lays himself across Brandy's legs.
The jury finds Melanie not guilty. She yelps happily. Ally runs off, telling Melanie and John to discuss the bill. Melanie asks John if they can appeal, so she can have more meetings with him. "Oh, oh...that's an overture," says John. His nose whistles. Ally eavesdrops and squeals annoyingly. John starts to invite Melanie to The Bar, and she kisses him. Oh, how nice. John's gonna screw another client.
Then everyone's at the bar and Vonda's caterwauling again. Nelle and Renee sit and watch. "If this keeps up, you and I are gonna have to be friends," says Nelle. "It'll never come to that," Renee answers. Nelle asks if that's a promise. Check out what Renee says next: "You don't fool me. If I offered you some of my jelly roll, you'd step right up." Okay, was that supposed to be an oral-sex reference or something? Just what does that mean, exactly? Whatever it means, it makes Nelle smile as she replies, "Well, how would you know? You've never offered." Then she looks arch as Renee makes a completely blank face. Whatever. You can do better, Nelle.