Episode Report Card Lady Lola: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Patriots
By Lady Lola | Season 12 | Episode 8 | Aired on 04.18.2011
Following that act is Kirstie, who will sadly not be the 1,000th dance. But she will be the "American Woman" in their fox trot. Given the last two weeks' mishaps, Kirstie decides to bring in a dance doctor. And by "dance doctor," we mean John Travolta. He tells them they're both great, but Maks should not lug around Kirstie for so long, and Kirstie should not wear Manolo Blahniks in competition. He also thinks they should become romantically involved so the audience will believe the backstory. Then he watches them dance, and Maks is in really tight white pants and the lowest V-neck you've ever seen. Oh, Maks.
So the first part of the entire dance is Maks ripping off his shirt, which I'm sure was a suggestion from Dance Doctor Travolta. Then he and Kirstie spend about 30 seconds respectively walking around the floor and writhing on the stage. Maks has also taken the liberty of putting an American flag decal on his torso. Oh dear. The dance is about what you'd expect, especially given that this is a terrible song for a fox trot. But they get through it, and no one lobs off an appendage, which would be the natural escalation of their catastrophic trend from the previous performances. As they head for judgment, we see that Kelly Preston is in the audience. Maks peacocks and shows off his horrible fake flag tattoo. Carrie Ann calls it "bold, ambitious, borderline crazy" and magical. She says it was their best dance ever. Len compliments them for the use of basic steps but admits it wasn't his cup of tea. Boos from the crowd. Bruno says he loved it and inquires whether Maks, "the Russian gigolo," is taking direct bookings. Maks says, "I'm expensive." Bruno shoots back, "I can afford it." Back in the red room, Kirstie acknowledges she's relieved that nothing went awry and said Maks' costume (or lack thereof) was inspired by the likes of Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix. Score-wise, Carrie Ann awards them an 8, Len gives them a 7, and Bruno scores them an 8 for a total of 23. Hi-ya, Macchio! Eat it and weep, Nemcova!
Kendra and Louis take the stage next. After a faltering Viennese Waltz, Kendra is hoping to regain her confidence and get back to the top of the leader board. She took particular offense to Carrie Ann's comment that she was "afraid of elegance." She thinks it made her seem like trash, then says unironically, "I'm not a-fuckin'-fraid of elegance!" That said, Kendra says she will use her fox trot to "Yankee Doodle" as a fresh start. It's also a start of sorts for the show, because it's the 1,000th dance. Sirens go off, streamers fly to the ground, and Tom says, "We're nothing if not understated." Luckily, we go to commercial so they can sweep the floor.