Episode Report Card Al Lowe: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Why Moms Are Weird
By Al Lowe | Season 6 | Episode 20 | Aired on 04.24.2006
Lorelai bursts in the door of the diner, all bubbly, introducing herself and thanking the guests for holding off on the heavy partying until she arrived. This is met with blank stares, but she soldiers on, calling for the birthday girl to stand front and center. "You know," Lorelai says, placing a tiara on April's head, "I met you briefly. You were filling salt and pepper shakers." April says she remembers, and that Lorelai had been wearing all black and had really blue eyes: "They aren't quite as blue today, but I think that's just the light thing." Weird and random. Lorelai crowns the birthday girl and has the rest of the partygoers line up behind her, in a single file, holding hands. "Oh," says April helpfully. "We already went to the bathroom." Lorelai says she knows, but that this is going to be so much better. She instructs the skeptical Luke to bring up the rear, and leads them all out the door, while Luke gives further safety recommendations.
Lorelai leads everyone at a full trot in a serpentine pattern down the sidewalk and into the beauty shop, where two ladies, Allison and Leslie, are waiting for them. Lorelai introduces April, the birthday girl, and they say hello to her. Leslie -- not looking at April AT ALL, nor at anyone else that I can tell -- says "Oh, you are adorable!" Since she says it to no one, it is super-weird and spooky, and I am sure the girls are all afraid that she is about to cook and eat them, but they are distracted when Lorelai gives them all baskets and tells them to pick out all the stuff they want, because they're all getting makeovers! Luke -- who is so relieved that April is having a good time now that he doesn't care that his party budget just went from $40 to, like, $500 -- tells Lorelai that she's a genius. "Well," she says, "thirteen-year-old girls and makeup. It's like betting on Secretariat." Luke says he never would have thought of anything like this himself. "That's why I'm the yin to your yang," says Lorelai, shrugging. "The Emack to your Bolio." She picks up a spray can, asking which of the girls wants hot pink highlights. They all scramble around her.
Rory is on the phone with Honor, who is standing outside some Greek hotel, self-consciously smoking and talking shit about her parents. She says she doesn't mind coming home for Logan, seeing as how her mom flaked out, and that her dad knows about the accident, but won't be coming to the hospital. Rory is incredulous, and asks why. Honor says it's because Logan got hurt in a Life and Death Brigade stunt, which their father is very against. "But," Rory says, incredulous, "he was in the Life and Death Brigade." Honor says that's true, but that Daddy Dearest thinks he knew when to grow up and leave such shenanigans behind, and Logan doesn't: "He wanted his precious boy done with that by now. So, he's boycotting." Rory is really mad: "He's boycotting his own son? Logan had emergency surgery!" Honor says it's typical Huntzberger hypocrisy, and that she'll try to get there as soon as she can. Rory hangs up, and thinks quietly for a second before pulling Logan's cell phone out of her pocket and scrolling through the numbers. She finds the one she's looking for, places the call, and gets her BITCH ON. "Mitchum Huntzberger?" she says. "It's Rory Gilmore. I just thought I'd call and remind you that Logan is lying in a hospital bed with a partially collapsed lung, and a whole host of other potentially life-threatening injuries." She doesn't even pause before lowering the boom: "And I'm figuring, a guy like you, surrounded by nothing but a bunch of terrified sycophants, might not have someone in his life with the guts to tell him what an incredibly selfish, narcissistic ass he's being, so I thought I'd jump on in. Swallow your pride, get in your car, and come down here and see your son. NOW." Sure, maybe it was inappropriate. Yeah, perhaps it's not her place, but...you go, Rory. For once, do anything but shut up.
Back at the diner, things are going awesomely. Lorelai is having a big time with all the girls, who are way into the makeup thing. She compliments one girl, saying she looks just like Sophia Loren. "I was going for Vanessa Manillo on MTV," says the girl. "Ah," says Lorelai, trying to play along. "I love her music." The girl explains that Vanessa's a VJ. "No, well, you didn't let me finish," says Lorelai. "I love her music video introductions. She's so smooth and...classy." Hee. April runs up to show off her makeover, and says that Leslie told her she had great bone structure. (Yeah, I bet, because Leslie wants to roast you and bake you in a cake! Run, April!) Lorelai agrees. "So, it's not weird," says April, "when someone complements your skull?" Lorelai says that a woman should take whatever compliment comes her way. April is so, so cute. I can't stand this storyline, still, but I can't help finding her charming. April asks Lorelai to paint a heart on her cheek, in purple, because she is obsessed with purple right now: "Probably because I'm obsessed with Harold and the Purple Crayon. I know I'm too old, but it's still, like, one of my all-time favorite books." Lorelai says that's okay; she's too old for US Weekly, but she still reads it. "So," April asks, "you have a daughter, right?" Lorelai: "Yes, Rory." April says that's good, because Lorelai would be wasted on a son, and that Lorelai reminds her of her mom: "I think you'd like her." Lorelai freezes up a little, but tries to hide it, and just smiles.