Episode Report Card Deborah: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Paranoid Schizophrenic With A Miscellaneous Complex
By Deborah | Season 1 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.20.2003
Helen heaps some food on Joan's plate. Joan's sitting at the breakfast bar as Luke walks behind her, peering at her plate. Irritated, Joan asks, "What?" Luke says, "Hash browns and a bagel? You're renting out a lot of space at the bottom of the food pyramid." Joan asks, "Can't you just say 'carbs to the max' or something remotely normal?" Helen says, "Luke's right. Eat a banana." Will comes in, and Luke immediately asks for fifty bucks. Will jokes about almost making it to his coffee. Helen asks what it's for. Luke: "Thirty-two Cornell-Dubilier inverter-grade capacitors." Will says he just happens to have a few of those in his pocket. That's such a dad thing to say. Helen asks if these "capacitor things" are a necessity. Luke replies, "Well, that just depends if you define necessity as the power of natural law that cannot be other than what it is --" Will's heard enough; he hands him the money. Anything to make the borax stop. Will holds his wallet up, asking, "Anybody else?" Boy, did he just become a father this morning? Never do that. That's, like, one of the rules on page one of the dad handbook ( Money Doesn't Grow on Trees, You Know). Joan says, "You know, my shoe collection is, like, from three years ago..." That's probably because you spend all your money on Dr. Who scarves. Helen tells her she has enough shoes and the bank's closed. Joan can't muster an expression involving much surprise or disappointment. Kevin says his physio's adding up, and he wants to start helping out with that. Helen refuses, saying the money he earns is his spending money. Kevin: "I know the gimp bill's pretty high...and Joan's shoes are ugly." She gives him a sour look. Will says Kevin's not paying for physio and the financial discussion is now over. Joan says she has to go meet Grace. Well, I guess Grace is over being mad at her. Luke asks if he can walk with them. Joan emits a weak, dismissive laugh and says, "That's funny." Kevin says, "Come on, geek, I'll give you a lift." They take off, leaving their parents at the table.
Once they're out of earshot, Will looks at Helen and asks, "We're going to talk about money, aren't we?" She says that physical therapy costs $1200 per month, and they still owe $6000 for the retrofitting of the house for Kevin's wheelchair: "And we have two kids that expect to go to college." I know Kevin was supposed to go on an athletic scholarship, and isn't considered to be all that great a student. But he still doesn't seem like a lost cause as far as college is concerned. Will says that Luke's smart and he'll go on a scholarship. Helen says there's no safety valve for Joan. I dunno. God seems like a heck of a safety valve. Mind you, Helen doesn't know about that. Helen says she knows that Will gets a salary bump when they pick up his contract: "But until then, we have to be careful." Will takes a sip from his picture-of-his-kids mug (Frink: "He loves that mug.") and makes a face like someone put a shot of lemon juice on his coffee. Noticing this, Helen says, "You don't get a salary bump." Will's face persists in its expression of sour lemony pain. Helen: "They might not pick up your contract?" Will says, "Let's not fall off that bridge yet. I've got a good six months to charm people!" Helen openly rolls her eyes. Heh. He insists it'll be fine.