Episode Report Card Al Lowe: C+ | 3 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT The Day My Maw Got Out Of Prison
By Al Lowe | Season 7 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.16.2006
Back at the diner, Luke is going over April's school stuff. He is alarmed to read on the exclusions list that students are not allowed to bring razor blades to school. "Are kids showing up to school with razor blades?" he says, worried. He freaks that the school has had to go so far as to ban drug use, theft, spitting, fighting, gouging and biting. "Seems like they're giving the kids ideas," he says. "'Gee, I can't think of any other bad things to do today, let me look at the manual. Hey! Gouging sounds fun!'" From her regular table, Miss Patty pipes up that no one at April's school is doing any gouging. "Well, sure, why bother with that," Luke snarks, "when they've got access to guns, tasers, knives, and nunchucks?" Kirks acknowledges that nunchucks are cool and "deadly." Cesar emerges from the kitchen, saying that this is all ridiculous -- no one is bringing nunchucks to April's school. "They're way too bulky to fit in your sock," he says, "Now, mace on the other hand...." Miss Patty, who looks to have lost a bit of weight (you go girl!) has to get up to intervene. She assures Luke that all these precautions from the school are just part of their liability coverage, and that nothing is going to happen to April. She says she has to take similar legal measures with her dance school. Luke is temporarily assuaged, until she says that nothing bad has ever happened except that one time, when one of her dancers pulled a Tonya Harding on another girl and broke her leg in three places. Oops. "That is not 'nothing,'" Luke says. "That is the opposite of nothing!" It's also the opposite of funny, damn. Are you old enough, internet, to remember the Tonya Harding scandal? Believe me, it went a long way in confirming that old adage, "Bitches is crazy."
Miss Patty again tells Luke not to worry, because she's talking about a much rougher crowd. "Rougher crowd?" he plotzes. "They're ballerinas!" Miss Patty rolls her eyes. "Oh, yeah, I know," she chides. "Everyone thinks, 'Ballerinas; so sweet, so fragile!'" Trust me, they're dancing on stress fractures and in-grown toenails and they haven't eaten in weeks!" Hee. They are interrupted by the arrival of Anna and April, who have arrived with all April's stuff, plus April's avocado pit science experiment which they had to return home to get half way to Luke's. "We had to make a pit stop!" April jokes, and everyone laughs and pretends it's not something Rory might have said.