Episode Report Card Erin: B+ | 2 USERS: C YOU GRADE IT Two Sydneys for the price of one.
By Erin | Season 5 | Episode 12 | Aired on 04.25.2006
Barbie's Big-Ass Baby Penthouse. Syd's putting little Isabelle to sleep and when I say "little" I mean, "approximately the size of a Toyota Tercel" because THIS IS A BIG BABY. Especially since she's only supposed to be four weeks old. She's not only more than four weeks old, she's legal to vote and has a 401K already! Gargantuan baby is what I'm saying. Syd finally puts her immense child into her crib and suddenly there's a clatter from the other room.
We switch to Spy Daddy, apparently flinging knives all over the place in an effort to baby-proof the house. Sydney runs out all, DAD DON'T WAKE THE BABY. Jack looks at her and says, "I knocked them over when I was trying to put them in the cupboard--Sydney, you do not leave edged weapons within the reach of children." He's so perturbed. It's so funny. "She's four weeks old, Dad," says Sydney. No, she's not, Sydney. NO SHE'S NOT. "Particularly young Bristow women," snaps Jack, all worried brow and grandfatherly concern. Hee. "She can't even hold her head up," deadpans Syd. "I think we're safe." She can too, Sydney! SHE CAN TOO. Child's entering Harvard in the fall, sister-woman, WAKE UP. Isabelle's such a Rambaby.
After the hilarity that is Grandpa Bristow and the Knives of Calamity, Syd and Jack get down to business, which is: what has anyone found out about Irina? Syd wants to task Echelon with Irina's known aliases, and Jack says it's already been tasked. Syd asks about Prophet Five's activity, and Jack says there hasn't been any activity noted. Syd's suspicious; Irina dealt Prophet Five a significant blow when she stole The Horizon. She continues nattering on about P5 and Irina until finally Jack is all, sweetie? How 'bout trying to enjoy your time away from the office with your enormous baby daughter? "As soon as the affairs of the world require your attention," Jack says, with a note of fatherly humor in his voice, "I'll let you know." Hee.
Welcome to the Prophet Five Pleasuredome. Sloane's just finished perusing a leather-bound folder that contains his final assignment. He says that he needs assurances that Sydney Bristow won't be harmed. The old guys are all, the huh? We don't want you to kill her, dude! We just want you to somehow get her to meet up with Anna Banana so that we can melt down her skin or something so that we can get her DNA even though we had her on that ship the whole time and it never, um, occurred to us to get her DNA then, okay? Sloane's all, yeah, uh, I think you're overestimating my ability to influence her; girl's been onto my shit since before she knew I was a bad guy. The old guys are all, dude, you can do this. Sloane's all, dudes? She's at home, caring for her grad student baby Isabelle. I can't task her to re-enter the field and follow orders. "She'd need--" "Incentive," Big Hair pipes up. "We think you'll find, Arvin, that it won't be as difficult to get Ms. Bristow into the field as you imagine."