Episode Report Card Gwen: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Do I Hear a Nickel
By Gwen | Season 4 | Episode 7 | Aired on 12.03.2000
Nelle sneaks into a courtroom in time to hear a judge sentence Dr. Date Boy Barrett to life imprisonment. The judge admires Dr. B., and she asks God's blessing for him, but he's still going to jail. After hugging his parents, he turns and sees Nelle across the crowded courtroom. She gives him what my dad astutely identified as "a brave smile." Thanks to my dad for watching this show with me and catching my vomit, just like he used to do when I was a baby.
Ally eats cappucino foam and discusses Elaine's case with Larry in her office. Ally doesn't care about her good ol' alleged friend Elaine, though. She passive-aggressively compliments Larry on his intuition when it comes to other people. He says stuff about opening up to each other and not wanting to move too fast in their relationship. Ally lets him off the hook and they kiss. The side of Larry's head is almost twice as wide as the side of Ally's. Ally offers to cook him dinner that night. He says okay and I yawn.
Most Contrived Scene of the Hour: Cindy walks into Richard's office in an absolutely hideous turquoise animal-print coat. He hides behind his desk. She inexplicably says, "One date with a gay man and you're already going down on your desk?" Going down on his desk? Can someone tell me what the hell that means? I know what "going down" means, but what does it have to do with desks, and what do desks have to do with gay men? ATTENTION WRITERS: Do you guys even have sex? Do you understand the mechanics of it? Can you please flip through some anatomy books and at least try to make jokes that don't sound like the half jokes fourth-graders mishear at their parents' parties? Come on. You people need help. Okay, so anyway, it turns out that Cindy hired Paul to bid on Richard. She says his humiliation was worth $6500 to her. She apologizes. Richard says "no biggie," that Paul was nice and a good dancer.
Mark stops Cindy on her way out and asks if she's seeing anybody. She isn't. He's all spellbound by her loud-ass coat. She smiles bittersweetly and leaves. Elaine sees it all. Mark walks over and asks her to dinner. She says she tries not to date men on the rebound. Mark sighs because he knows that he's just embarked on another demographic-pandering subplot that will only end in tears.
That evening, Vonda mutilates Bob Dylan's "Just Like a Woman" while John sits in his office and stares into the distance. Kimmy and Mommy walk down the sidewalk holding hands and smiling. "Good riddance," they seem to be thinking. Ally falls all over Larry in her kitchen. Cindy "aches just like a woman 'cause she breaks just like a little girl." Elaine puts on this BITCHIN' scarf made of gray fur pompons. It's so cool that I don't even mind that the wardrobe mistress obviously found a two-for-one special on fur scarves that week. Doctor Date Boy gets hauled into the cops' van while Nelle watches from the sidewalk, as sad as can be. I'm rolling my eyes just like a woman, and I'm yawning just like a little girl.