Episode Report Card Djb: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT West Said Story
By Djb | Season 4 | Episode 2 | Aired on 07.18.2000
Back in the cafeteria, Hoyt the total disgusting pig of a man confers covertly with Nikolai. Ryan tries to meddle, but Pancamo is there to tell him to get the hell back to work. Hoyt kills Galino under a deserted flight of steps with the help of a syringe and the fettering acumen of some other long-hairs from the total disgusting pig clan. Cut to an indeterminate time later. The medical staff stands over the poor shlub and pronounces him dead by overdose. Down in the laundry room, Ryan walks in on Stanislofsky and congratulates him for a job well done with no traceable steps. Ryan tells Nikolai that he underestimated him, adding, "And I don't usually do that." He suggests that instead of remaining each others' arch-nemeses, they could just "work together. Like Russia and the U.S. What was that called, exactly?" "Rocky IV!" I volley to no one in particular, before Nikolai bails me out by chiming in with the correct answer: "Détente." Oh, yeah. That. They shake on it. Perestroika!
Jeez, Alvarez. There are, like, four minutes left in this episode. You sure picked a heckuva time to show up. Fade up on Dr. Nathan speaking Spanish to a man named "Carlo," who is lying in the hospital bed next to an ailing Alvarez. She walks to Miguel's bed to tend to him, and he wakes up to a really extended flashback of last episode's stabbing. He finds himself shackled to the bed with leather manacles (calm down, Sars), which Gloria tells him is "standard procedure for anyone in solitary." Poor Alvarez. Back on the floor of Em City, Hernandez tells Chico that he can't abide by a prison system that never seems to end up with Alvarez dead. Chico tells him that Carlos Martinez is in the bed next to Alvarez, and that he'll take care of the whole killing Alvarez situation as soon as he can track down a weapon. Back in some pod, Chico checks a ceiling panel above a bed and unearths a knife. Hmmm. Haven't we learned by now that these chancy murder attempts will never end up with Alvarez dead? Why even bother anymore? The man is a superhero.
Back in the infirmary, Busmalis does his best Zero Mostel impersonation while he mops the place up and does a little soft-shoe. Alvarez wants to know why the hell he's so happy, and Busmalis tells him that he's getting out of Emerald City. Um, excuse me? He's digging a tunnel. Alvarez pronounces him to be a "bad word, another bad word," and commences once more with the singing and with the dancing with this insistence: "You say that tomorrow, you'll be saying that to my backside." Meanwhile, Hernandez's numerous cronies hand off the offending weapon meant to take down the invincible Alvarez. Cut to Carlos eating lunch in his hospital bed, as narrator Hill catches us up on the who and why: He killed some guys so now he's in jail. Forever. Later that night, a sleeping Alvarez is about to be the victim of an approaching Martinez, but he wakes up just in time to scream for help. Two guards run in to restrain him, and the news is returned to Hernandez with merely a shaking of the head that Alvarez will, at least for this week, continue his lucky streak of chronic non-deadness.