Episode Report Card Potes: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Odor In The Court
By Potes | Season 2 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.16.2008
Meanwhile, Amanda is incensed to find a Mode staffer eating salad in the Secret Sex Dungeon. Turns out, everyone knows about the place. Another guy comes in for a nap, and Amanda announces that her mother's secret sex room was designed for lazy afternoons that blurred the line between pleasure and pain. It is not a place for salads or naps. She wants to get Fey's stuff out of there, and grabs a giant portrait of Fey with her face pixilated out. She also notes to the salad-eater that she likes to think Fey had multiple orgasms right where salad-eater is sitting, because she was just that kind of lady. It's more exciting if you don't think about Bradford being involved in any way. When Amanda gets to her desk with portrait in tow, she discovers diary pages stuck to its back. She begins to read: "February 26, 2006. Back form our Scandinavian trip where I never left Bradford's arms. It was a taste of what life would be like if that annoying shrew Claire wasn't around. It gives me an idea." Please be not really dead, please be not really dead, please be not really dead!
Speaking of Claire, Betty delivers her suit and perfume. Claire tells us how special she'd feel when she wore it, and notes that Bradford brought it back for her from Denmark. Oh, did he now? Claire gets emotional and says she's going away for a long time, and Alexis says confidently that she wasn't in her right mind at the time of her accident, and Claire's lawyer will prove it. The guard tells Claire that he can't allow perfume. Daniel tries to argue, but Claire says it's okay -- whereas she used to plan garden parties, now she gets a flashlight up her naked tush every morning. Aw, I wonder if that makes her miss Yoga a little. Claire wants Betty, being in love with "the nervous little fellow with the glasses," to have the perfume to spoil herself. Betty offers to keep it safe for Claire until she gets out.
And then, testifying! Alexis says that Claire instilled a strong sense of right and wrong in her children, and clearly wasn't in her right mind at the time of the accident. The prosecution -- Dr. Romano from ER! -- brings up that silly old time when Alexis faked her own death in a ski accident in order to cover up her secret sex-change operation, suggesting it's maybe not the best example of having a sense of right and wrong instilled in a child. After a defense objection, the judge agrees that Alexis's difficult personal choices are not on trial. Alexis emotionally shouts that she knows Claire would never murder anyone, and there was obviously something was wrong with her.
We cut to Betty working at her desk. She picks up the bottle of perfume, and we get to hear another page out of Fey's diary: "March 15. I innocently suggested to Bradford he give Claire a little gift to cover up our trip. A bottle of perfume from Denmark. She's so easily seduced by silly tokens of his affection." We cut to Betty, who eyes the perfume. More diary! "April 4, 2006. Oh, Claire, it's too delicious. I changed the ingredients. It's toxic. It's seeping into her brain. She's poisoning herself with her own frivolous vanity." And then -- noooooo! Betty sprays the perfume on her neck. Oh, God, the one time in her life she tries to smell good, and this happens. And yet, I can't help but admire the bad-assedness of poisoned perfume. I imagine Fey kept the poison in her big round secret poison ring until she dropped it in the perfume with one final throaty cackle. Fey's voice over continues, "And soon enough, she'll be dead." Or, presumably, throwing trash cans through deli windows.