Episode Report Card Tippi Blevins: C+ | 13 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT The Hardy Boys are Terrible Planners
By Tippi Blevins | Season 8 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.08.2013
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.The Winchesters dig through the Lair O' Letters in their hunt for a demon cure. They find it in the form of old home movies showing the Men of Letters and priests attempting to do the very same. The priests' first attempt goes pretty spectacularly wrong, but Sam and Dean track down the one surviving priest. He hands over all the notes and recordings of his colleague's further attempts, the final of which involved injecting a demon with his own purified blood. Get it? Get it? Sam felt like demon blood made him impure and now he's going to inject his own blood into a demon to purify it. Oh, Show.
For some reason, the brothers decide that they're going to piece together Abaddon and practice on her -- one of Lucifer's handpicked knights -- instead of some low-level schmuck. She escapes during the attempt because... well, the plot needed it to happen and so it did. Sam and Dean are doubly screwed, because Crowley has decided it's time to stop screwing around and get serious about the Demon Tablet. He tells the Winchesters that he's going to kill one of their previous saves every 12 hours until they agree to stop the trials. Frankly, I think 12 hours is pretty generous, considering he's the ersatz Satan. Anyway, to prove his point, he kills Tommy who survived the wendigo, some muffin lady from an episode I will have to look up later, and then turns his attentions to Sarah, the pretty art dealer. The brothers fail to save her despite their best attempts and Sam considers giving in to Crowley. Dean gives him a pep talk about needing to continue and then probably goes to make a casserole.
Now, while all this is going on, Dean and Castiel are on the outs. Or, rather, Castiel tries to make it up to Dean with jerky and porn, but Dean's had it with his angelic boyfriend because the plot needed to separate them. While Castiel is away from the Lair O' Letters, buying gifts for Dean, he is approached my Metatron. Metatron convinces him that he needs to undertake the Angel Tablet trials to shut the Pearly Gates. The idea is to trap the angels in Heaven until they work out their differences, which sounds like a terrible idea, but Castiel buys it. For his first trial, he has to kill a girl who seems innocent, but who is actually the offspring of human and angel. This makes her conveniently evil so that Castiel can kill her with minimal guilt. Stay tuned for the full recap.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!THEN! Crowley shot Castiel in the gut with bullets made from one of those handy All-Purpose Angel Swords. The Winchesters met Metatron, who turned out to be hiding out as a book nerd in a Native American casino/hotel. Metatron told them he was basically a secretary before God chose him to take down the Word. (His shorthand was immaculate!) Metatron got off his hiding ass and rescued Kevin Tran from Crowley's clutches, then told Sam he would have to cure a demon to complete the third trial. What was God smoking when he came up with those trials? The Winchesters should totally ask Metatron one of these days. Anyway, they were driving home one night when they nearly ran over Castiel, who had managed to flit himself away from Crowley's office and into the middle of the highway. Fifty years ago, a demon named Abaddon took over this nice lady Josie's body and traveled into the future in search of more comfortable undergarments, among other things. The Winchesters' grandpappy told them that Abaddon was a Knight of Hell, handpicked by Lucifer himself. Grandpappy shot her in the head with a Devil's Trap bullet, which kept her trapped while the Winchesters chopped her up and buried her. They were really torn up about what this meant for poor Josie, locked inside her own body as a spectator while all this was happening. Hahaha. Just kidding. They don't ever think about that crap. Screw Josie!
NOW! Lost Creek, Colorado. Even just the name of the place sounds a little creepy. Add to that the moonlit woods and the isolated log cabin in which we find ourselves and it's a horror movie in the making. Indeed, one of the cabin's occupants stares nervously out the window, jumping when his lady friend comes up behind him for a hug. "I can't believe you finally came up here with me," she says. "Why wouldn't I?" he asks. Possibly because he narrowly escaped being eaten by a wendigo in these very woods about seven seasons back, but he doesn't say that. He just keeps staring out the window until his lady friend nudges him. "Tommy, are you okay?" He has a flashback to being plucked from his tent like the meatiest lobster in the lobster tank. "I'm good," he tells her, coming out of the flashback. He kisses her, then thinks he hears something growling. Lady friend doesn't hear it. "Maybe it's a bear," she jokes. Tommy hears the growl again and pulls his lady friend away from the window. "It's not a bear! It's a wendigo!" He remembers the Winchesters saving him from becoming the wendigo's latest snackrifice. Tommy grabs a propane torch from his pack and makes like he's going to go set the imaginary monster on fire. Instead, he grabs his head and wails in agony. Blood pours from his ears and eyes. He falls forward and blood splatters all over his lady friend. By the time he slumps to the ground, his headache is miraculously cured! Sadly, it's because his head is totally gone. It's like a fresh ham hock where his neck ends. Supernatural!