Episode Report Card Sobell: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Half In The Bag
By Sobell | Season 4 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.01.2008
Sucre says, "Copying would make it harder. Not only would you have to steal it, you'd have to return it, genius." Roland stands up and brandishes a mobile phone: "Only if you don't got me, hombre." He explains that the cellphone-looking gadget he's holding "looks like a cell phone but is really a digital black hole. A wireless hard drive that swallows up any data within ten feet of it... like the account info of anyone at Starbucks with a latte and a laptop. Like the PIN of any credit card used at a gas pump. I can walk out of here and get the identities and financial statements of ten people in ten minutes on a slow day -- with one hand on my junk." Okay, forget what I said in the last recap about the One World Conspiracy having something nicknamed Charybdis. I'm nicknaming this gadget Charybdis for its ability to suck up so much stuff and leave people hosed. Michael's now got something resembling a plan: get Charybdis near the card -- there's that 10-foot radius -- and they'll suck everything off Scylla that way.
We cut to the wedding-cake mansion where Stuart lives(?) and/or works(?), and he's chatting it up with General Von Baldy. The general pushes a slip of paper to him and asks, "Is this number acceptable to you?" Stuart replies, "Ten thousand people?" Yup. Then it is. General Von Baldy says, "Good. Now that you're on board, we can issue the op order today." Then the two click glasses of scotch and plan their next Old White Guys In Charge scheme.
Team Scylla is effecting its own scheme: Bellick and Sucre will be tailing the driver, while Michael coordinates with the home base team of Dr. Sara, Mahone and Roland. The young data dipper tells them they'll need to stay in range of Scylla for at least two minutes, and he can't guarantee the exact content or quality of the data, only that some data will be downloaded. Michael watches the driver rip past his car, and cues Sucre. Within seconds, our favorite hard-luck case has swerved out in front of the armored car and managed to get himself rear-ended. Sucre hops out with Charybdis tucked in a pocket, and unleashes a torrent of outraged Spanish on the driver. He pitches a hissy right next to the car, but Roland reports, "I got nothing, man. Last time I got this little action, I was dry-humping my way through fifth grade." And his sister's Cabbage Patch doll has never been the same.
Sucre continues his hissy fit until the moment the driver shows his gun and says, "Step away from the vehicle." Then, Sucre switches to perfectly calm English with "It's okay, bro. Just relax. We don't have to get all excited." Oh, but now the driver does, because it's occurred to him that Sucre's trying to run a scam. From the car, Michael watches. When Mahone urges, "Try to get closer to him," Michael snaps, "If he was any closer, he'd be in the car." Nobody puts Papi down while Michael's around! The driver's getting really pissed, but Stuart just wants this whole incident behind him, so he rolls down the window and orders, "Just give the man some money so we can leave." That little tableau played out, Roland's totally humiliated that his gadget didn't work.