Episode Report Card Potes: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Girl Who Neglected To Be Jolly
By Potes | Season 8 | Episode 5 | Aired on 03.27.2007
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.We start off this episode by getting a little glimpse into Natasha's relationship with her husband via their phone conversation. Apparently, it involves some purring. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, and a kid! Or a puppy that sounds like a baby, maybe? I'm not sure, because I stuck my fingers in my ears during the early sexy-talk, and kind of forgot to take them out. The other girls kind of figure out the mail-order bride thing and think it's creepy. Natasha feels like they're picking on her, and gets upset. In other house drama, Renee pisses off Whitney and Diana with her insensitive remarks about plus-sized models. The girls meet with the director of Elite, who gives them a quick lesson in outfitting themselves in model-appropriate clothes. A pair of modeling twin brothers test them on their learning by having them team up to create store window displays that feature them wearing clothes from The House of Sears. The combo of Natasha, Jael, and Whitney would have won, but a minor violation of the rules gets them disqualified. Thus, Sarah, Renee, and Dionne claim victory. Sarah gets the individual prize for putting together the best look, and takes total credit even though Dionne actually chose her outfit. The shoot for the week -- and I am totally serious about this -- requires the girls to go transgender, with drag queen partners. Sometimes I feel like I dreamed this season. Sarah's bad-ass prize is to shoot her film, then take a look at it with Jay and see what she's doing right and wrong, and then re-shoot the whole thing. This quite possibly saves her, since her first round of photos weren't so stellar. Jay questions Diana's desire and passion to be America's Next Top Model, which makes her break down. In the end, Natasha excels and ends up getting her photo first. Sadly for those who like big-bottomed women, Diana and Whitney have a plus-sized face-off in the bottom two, with the bland Diana getting sent home. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: Natasha didn't know what the eff she was doing. Despite her best efforts to change, Renee was kind of a huge wanker. At Panel, Dionne's personal style was criticized, but it wasn't enough to get her sent home. Instead, boring Felicia said "au revoir" to the rest of the bitches. Of whom there are now nine!
It is night at the Top Model house. We hear the sound of a phone ringing, then cut to Natasha in the phone chamber. "Do you miss meeeeee?" she asks. Stuart, her husband, says that of course he misses her. In a sexy little girl voice, she asks, "Do you remember me? Everything?" Man, why did they have to get all Cinemax After Dark on us? But then, suddenly, Stuart asks if she wants to talk to little someone or other -- buzzy buzz? I don't know, it's kind of hard to hear him clearly over the phone -- and Natasha sits up from her supine "I touch myself" position and says that ahhh, she gets to talk to her "baby" for the first time in three weeks. "Baby"? Say wha? For a while, I thought that it was a language issue thing, and that her husband would actually put her favorite skanky dress from Bebe up to the phone so Natasha could hear its sequins crinkle. Natasha interviews that, being a model, you have to be away from your family most of the time: "You have to work it." Work that family abandonment! Make it fierce! Natasha says hi to the baby, telling it that it's his/her mama on the phone, and we hear a child cry. I am still somehow in awe of the fact that Natasha has a kid. This scene also makes me ruminate on how children can ruin good phone sex. Natasha interviews that she's really sad because she hasn't bonded with anyone in the house. Out in the world, she and the other contestants would never be friends, she says, because they're so different. To wit, we cut to Whitney asking Diana if she knew that Natasha was eighteen when she married her husband, and that he was forty, and she didn't speak any English. Diana says, "Day-um." Whitney asks if Diana thinks that's weird. Diana does. Shouldn't they have hashed all this out at Casting? We cut back to the phone chamber where Natasha is running her nails along the top of the chair and breathily saying, "I neeeeed you, Stuuuuart, rggggggh. Purrrrrr. Meow!" Well, if she doesn't end up winning this competition, I think that her 1-900-RGGH-PURR business will take off quite well. Cut back to Diana asking Whitney (and Renee) if they think that Natasha was a mail-order bride. Whitney says that she was wondering the same thing. Again, it took them three weeks to wonder this? I thought it was just assumed. Diana says that it's creepy, and Whitney agrees, adding, "Grooooooss." And speaking of gross, we cut back to Natasha saying, "Would you be gentle to me?" and Stuart saying, "Of course." Having phone sex on the communal phone just seems wrong somehow. They need to spray some Lysol on that receiver. Natasha goes, "Mmmm," and then hits a phone button and says sorry. What would Anna Karenina think of all this?