Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: C | 5 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT CJ Cregg Bested By Bai Ling
By Cindy McLennan | Season 6 | Episode 15 | Aired on 05.11.2010
Ms. Janney's character is never named in this episode, but we can tell already that she's going to turn out to be a Child-Jacker, so CJ it is. Once they're back in the Rape Caves, Young Mother eats, while CJ dresses her wounds. Finally, CJ asks her guest's name. "Claudia." And then, twinkle twinkle twoo: A Musical Cue of Import. Although the characters will continue to converse in Latin, we -- thanks to the Magic of Television -- will hear their conversation in English. Thank you Magic of Television and your twinkle twinkle twoo. I don't know how the home audience feels, but this makes things much easier for me.
Claudia asks CJ where the rest of her people are. When CJ says she's alone, Claudia wants to know how she ended up on Craphole. CJ: "The same way you got here -- by accident." Claudia: "How long have you..." Two-Headed-Darlton-Beast-as-Channeled-by-CJ: "Every question I answer will simply lead to another question. You should rest. Just be grateful you're alive." Fandom: "Darlton fellat!"
Claudia doesn't know about the two-headed Darlton Beast, but she can sense the inherent creepiness of the Rape Caves and her hostess, so she starts to rise. "There were other people on my ship. I need to..." CJ shuts that right down. How can she steal your offspring if you leave, you silly goose? Speaking of offspring, Claudia immediately goes into labor. CJ: "The baby?" Claudia: "It's coming." Oh piffle, it's coming; he's coming; they're coming. Everyone is, except those of us watching at home. I'm sorry, I don't usually work all that blue, but this episode seems to be bringing it out in me. We cut to the...f
Rape Caves: Claudia's in the homestretch of labor, with CJ catching. Push. I can't. You can. AAAiiiiieeeeeeeeeee! CJ holds up the smiling babe. "It's a boy." Claudia: "His name is Jacob." CJ swaddles him in white, and rather than handing him to Claudia, she takes him a little bit away, strokes his face and looks lovingly at him. Claudia: "Can I -- AAAAAuggggh!" CJ realizes there's another baby on its way, and again catches as Claudia pushes. It's a boy. Claudia: "I only picked one name." This Player-To-Be-Named-Later is never named in this episode, so I shall call him -- as I always have -- Esau. Right now, he's no Man in Black, but just as CJ swaddled his twin in white, she swaddles this second, gooier, angrier newborn in black, and boy is he is pissed. Claudia's weak, but she holds up her head. "May I see him?" CJ moves in toward Claudia holding a black blanket, but when she says, "I'm sorry," it turns out that she's pulled the old baby-rock switcheroo, you know, like they do at carnivals. CJ then proceeds to bash Claudia's brains out with said rock. She's going to regret that when they need to feed, but oh well. Happy Birthday, Boys!