Episode Report Card Keckler: A | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT A Slave's Narrative
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 22 | Aired on 04.29.2003
Stratopod of Human Bondage, sans Bette Davis and Leslie Howard. Quantum is still steering while Capt. Vissian takes scans. They experience mild turbulence, but Quantum brags that he can handle it.
Armory. Velo admires Reed's torpedo array. No, not that way -- well, yes, that way, but not yet. "I'm afraid our weapons are somewhat more sophisticated than yours," Velo comments. I don't think that's the kind of thing a guy wants to hear. "This technology must seem rather antiquated to you," Reed says. "Well, where I come from, 'antiquated' can be kind of quaint," Velo says. I'm sorry, maybe it's just me, but in my twelve-year-old head, I keep replacing "weapons" and "technology" with words like "dinners" and "pee-pee." And I'm doing a lot of snickering over here. "Is that how you see us -- 'quaint'?" Reed wonders. "And charming," Velo adds. They examine some plasma rifles, and Reed explains how they're charged. "I suppose that's very quaint too," Reed adds. "Not at all," Velo contradicts him. "We charge our weapons the same way." Bamp-chicka-wocka! Reed offers to show Velo some cannons. He opens a small door and says, "After you." Velo steps in and gives Reed an eyeful of fanny, of which Reed takes full advantage. Reed follows her in and elaborates on how his cannon works. God, everything I write here is a double entendre without me even trying! Reed apologizes for how small his area is. Okay, he apologizes for how cramped the cannon vestibule is, but it's the same thing, especially since Velo says the size doesn't matter because she's wanted to get "a little closer to [him] all day." Reed can't believe his luck. "I was hoping to spend some intimate time with you, in fact, I was hoping we could sleep together tonight," Velo says. Reed jumps at this and bangs his head on an overhanging pipe. Wonder what Freud would make of that. It pisses me off that I would have actually laughed at the physical comedy if UPN hadn't whacked it off all friggin' week. Reed attempts to recover his dignity by telling Velo that on Earth it's customary to ask a woman to dinner first before spending the night with her. "It's very different on Vissia. It's only when a woman enjoys her intimate time with a man that she'll join him for dinner," Velo says.
It's Room. It reads a book out loud to Trip, who marvels at how quickly It picked up reading. He tells It that It could study all sorts of things and not sit in It's room all day. It says that "they" would never let It learn any of the things Trip mentioned. "Then you've gotta convince them. It's not just learning, it's experiencing things. Music, swimming in the ocean -- you do have oceans on your planet?" Trip asks. "Yes!" It says. Slapping on a wimple, Trip encourages It to climb every mountain until It finds It's dream. It really wants to climb mountains. Mother Triperior then makes to leave, saying he's expected at the astrometrics lab. He promises to see It as soon as he can. On his way out, It stops him and says It would like It's name to be the same as Trip's. Trip tells It that his real name is Charles. It decides to be called Charles as well. That's all sweet and syrupy and (tear!)-ish, but I'm still calling It It.