Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Rock on, Bride of Kiefer!
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 7 | Aired on 01.07.2002
At 6:05:26 AM, Theo Huxtable is jogging by the side of the road with what appears to be either a personal trainer or a Secret Service man. Palmer drives by in a limo and has his driver to pull over when he sees Theo. Of course, the limo is being followed by a minivan containing his Secret Service detail, and when he stops, they stop and Main Secret Service Guy runs after him to remind him for the eighteenth time that his life is in danger. Palmer ignores him, catches up to Theo, who doesn't want to talk to him, and announces that he's going to beat Reporter Maureen to the punch and tell their side of the killed-rapist story at the breakfast. "It doesn't matter how the story comes out," says Theo. "Everyone's still going to believe that I killed Gibson." Um, because you did kill Gibson, stupid. But Palmer believes his son when he says it was an accident. He asks him to accompany him and his wife to the breakfast, because he needs to present a unified front to the public. More discussion about the fact that Palmer was rarely around as a father because his political career came first. Keith starts to cry and resumes his run. "Keith, come back!" says Palmer, as they often do on ABC Afterschool Specials. Not that he runs after him or anything.
Hey, it's that Chris Isaak video with Helena Christensen where the two moist lovers cavort under the palm trees. No, wait -- it's Spawn and Rick, standing near some mud-hut and washing up after the burial. "We've got to get out of here!" says Spawn for the fifty-ninth time since midnight. Rick assures her that he'll be allowed to leave now that EFB #2 is buried, and when he does, he'll call her father and tell him where she is. Spawn argues that he's not going to be allowed to leave. Rick keeps whistling in the dark.
Kiefer reaches the CTU Parking lot at 6:08:22 AM. He parks the TerrorTaurus and enters the building, passing a parked car where a mysterious figure -- probably one of Gaines's men -- watches him walk across the parking lot. Gaines tells him that his duty is to replace the keycard that Nina, Jalapeno, and Milo are trying to decrypt with the keycard from the TerrorTaurus sun visor. "Because we're getting too close?" asks Kiefer. "Just do it!" rasps Gaines. "And remember, I can hear everything!" I'm having a flashback to when I had a paper route, and there was this fussy old man on my route who lived alone who had Ira Gaines's exact voice and kept accusing me of leaving his paper in a puddle in his yard on purpose. And he was right. Nina makes a beeline for Kiefer as soon as she sees him. "I have been trying to reach you for the last half hour," she says. "What the hell is going on?" Kiefer lies and says that Spawn has been found and everything is okay. Nina asks if Kiefer got her message about Alan York being the John Doe. Kiefer reacts to this bit of news, running up the stairs to his office to have a private conversation with Gaines. "If Alan York is dead, then who is the man with my wife?" whispers Kiefer through their satellite communication whatever. "He's not an accountant from the valley, that's for sure," says Gaines. Again Kiefer threatens to kill Gaines if his wife or daughter are harmed. Gaines fires a gun near the phone to illustrate what is going to happen to Kiefer's bride and spawn if Kiefer doesn't do as he's told. This hurts Kiefer's ears. Now it's time for Kiefer to find a way of switching the keycards without drawing attention to himself. While Kiefer stares at Milo through the glass walls in his office, Gaines gets on his cell phone and calls NotYork. NotYork's phone is off, so Gaines leaves him a message, giving him a heads-up on the fact that Bride might be onto his real identity.