Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Pool And His Money
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 2 | Aired on 08.19.2007
U-Turn obsesses on Sanjay's sexuality; Sanjay explains his crush on Nancy as "a Judy Garland, Joan Crawford, Sarah Jessica Parker kind of love." U-Turn asks if this then implies that he would suck a dick. Sanjay's kind of awesome: "I would, if it was the right dick." You go, girl. U-Turn brandishes a gun at him and suggests the hypothesis that there is no such thing. Sanjay tells him he's going to be true to himself regardless of U-Turn or his family's objections. Conrad asks Sanjay if he's ever slept with a woman, and Sanjay admits that his cousin's friend once let her play with her nipples. He found it "kind of gross." U-Turn offers this pearl of wisdom: "Yeah, some women got ugly titties. Don't mean you a cocksucker." I...don't know how to respond to that.
A crazy ho named Clinique shows up with sandwiches for everybody. U-Turn calls an impromptu meeting with her in the corner while Conrad tries to get Sanjay on board with a plan to threaten U-Turn with the empty gun and escape. Too soon, U-Turn and Clinique come to an agreement: she is going to, I suppose as a favor to U-Turn, take Sanjay into another room and "fuck the gay out of [him]." Sanjay chokes on his sandwich; Conrad giggles and tells them it doesn't work that way. "Clinique's gonna make it work," U-Turn promises. It's hilarious because you can see him doing this as a tactic, but really I think he's just concerned about Sanjay. Clinique offers to try and fuck something out of Conrad too, but he only likes crazy bitches when they're white. Clinique, who is really growing on me, drags Sanjay back into the other room. The fucking commences.
And speaking of crazy plans, guess where Nancy's dragged Marvin? Over to Heylia's house, where it's tense as ever. Marvin chows down on pie while they discuss the situation. Heylia offers that she should have killed Nancy when she had the chance, which gives Nancy the entrée to accuse Heylia of bringing this whole situation about in the first place, by making the Armenian deal even though Nancy thought she had her bases covered. She demands Heylia get all her pot together and take it to U-Turn in return. Not liking her tone, Heylia drops her ass to the floor with a well-timed slap. Nancy trips her up and they go down, slapping and biting and shouting. Vaneeta sends Marvin in, but he gets a kick to the gut. He shouts at them to chill, reminding everybody that Conrad is going to die if they don't work this out. Heylia grabs a gigantic knife, causing Nancy to wilt like so much milfweed in the microwave, and starts cutting into a pale green La-Z-Boy, where she's stashed a bunch of cash. She loads it all up and then screams at Nancy and Marvin to get going back to the grow house.