Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Meatballs & Marshmallows
By Lady Lola | Season 3 | Episode 9 | Aired on 02.24.2011
That afternoon, Snooki and Deena have a marshmallow fight that climaxes with them literally sticking marshmallows all over the house. Now the duck phone has a sugary toupee! The Situation heads downstairs to make some phone calls and notices the marshmallows all over the place. They interrupt his phone with his sister, so he decides to exact his vengeance by offering to call the cab for them. He instructs the cabbie to tell them they're going to the bar, when in fact they will be headed to Times Square. Holy God, I don't even want to think how much that cab fare will cost. But then, Sitch tells them he's paying for the taxi and that he'll meet them there. Pauly arrives, questions them to no avail about the marshmallowification of the house, then is taken aside by Sitch to be let in on the plan. Pauly guffaws at this prank and deems the girls too dumb to realize what's going on. As if anyone would ever fucking think that they'd be sent on an 83-mile, 110-minute cab ride by their roommate. Though, if they let the cab actually take them out of the city limits, then they really are that dumb. And I won't be entirely surprised.
While the driver tells the girl that they're going "the back way" to the bar, the guys plan to head out for dinner. Only, The Situation takes his sweet time to the point that Ronnie leads a coup d'Sitch, and they leave without him. Awesomely, the title card between scenes reads: "DITCH SITCH." On the way to the restaurant, Pauly grouses to the guys that Sitch tried to pick up his ex-girlfriend at the club the night before. They all agree it was a grimy move.
Meanwhile, Snooki and Deena slowly realize they've been in the car for more than an hour.
Back at the house, Situationally speaking, karma's a bitch. Sitch comes downstairs to find that his buddies abandoned him. He snuggles up on JWOWW's dog and chats with JWOWW about the guys' breach of etiquette. They decide to go get their own dinner and bring it back to the house, where Sitch literally eats five entrees by himself while having fake conversations with his roommates. I think it's meant to be funny. It's sad. Especially when crosscut with scenes of the others enjoying their dinners. That Sitch, always eating his feelings.
Over in Hazlet, Sammi packs up her stuff and prepares to return to the shore house. Probably because the producers literally threatened to murder her. Her mom and sister give her a pep talk that largely consists of, "For the love of God, don't take back Ronnie!" Sammi starts to leave, claiming the 72 hours she spent at home have made her a stronger, more self-actualized woman.
Back in the cab, things get increasingly tense as the girls realize that Sitch sent them to New York City. As the sun falls, they vow never to speak to him again. I hope this cab driver realizes he isn't getting paid for this shit. On the upside, Deena and Snooki convince the cabbie to take a pit stop at a liquor store so they can get wasted on the way back home. They end up happy to have gotten out of the house on a "road trip."
The guys arrive home from dinner to find a simmering Sitch. He claims they were cowardly, like troops without a general. I'm not so sure about that. The scene changes -- not with a title card but with a revoltingly loud belch from Vinny. When not assuming the fetal position in his bed, he goes to the confessional to say, "Every time I eat at Rivoli's, I want to die." What an endorsement. Ronnie and Pauly also lie down in various places throughout the house. JWOWW confirms for the guys that Sitch is mad after all he's done for them. Pauly thinks he deserved it, though he does offer Sitch some of his leftovers. Ha!
On the cab ride to nowhere, Snooki and Deena decide that Vinny now owes Snooki a smush for keeping this expensive secret from her. They head back inside with their bottles of liquor, screaming about what a good time they had clubbing in the city. It turns a little sour when Snooki calls Sitch a fuckin' asshole and a jerk-off. Sitch says they "defy the laws of intelligence." He assures them his prank didn't come from a bad place and insists they were supposed to be able to turn around at any time. Nevertheless, Snooki and Deena resolve to get back at him.
The girls head to their room, where Snooki bitches that she's pissed off at Vinny and Pauly, too. Vinny comes in and hugs up on her, begging her not to be mad at him. He claims it wasn't any of his business and he didn't want to be a snitch(uation). Then Pauly joins in and cuts the tension immediately by making fun of all the drama by saying he's mad at them for being mad at him. He gets serious and asks when the girls finally realized they weren't, in fact, going to the bar. Ronnie says he was sure they would realize. To Snooki's credit, even she's like, "Really? Us?" Self-awareness is important, y'all.
The conflict over, the gang decides to head out to Karma, though Ronnie jokes they should take separate cabs. Snooki charges him to make some Ron Ron Juice. As the merriment begins, everyone is ignorant to the fact that Sammi will arrive back any minute. She skulks back in, and Pauly is the first to notice. Ronnie, who was joking a split-second ago, drops his face like something out of a silent film. While she hugs everyone hello, he cranks up the blender in a not-so-silent act of protest, glares at her, and heads outside alone. You know now he's going to be bitching about how everyone isn't paying attention to him anymore. Ugh.