Episode Report Card Sara M: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Racism With a Side of Spying
By Sara M | Season 3 | Episode 13 | Aired on 01.24.1999
Mrs. Poole announces that it's time for the toilet paper game, where everyone has to see who can get the amount of toilet paper that fits around Annie's stomach the closest. And by the looks of Annie's stomach, I hope they brought several rolls of paper, at least one per contestant. And it better not be that toilet paper I bought at the Food-4-Less last month, which only lasts like, one week per roll per person. I thought I was getting such a good deal, too. Mrs. Hinkle tells Annie that she has mace in her purse if Annie needs it, although I wonder if Mrs. Hinkle removed the pepper spray long ago and replaced it with grain alcohol, for when she doesn't have time to guzzle the cough syrup and just needs a little spritz to get her going. Oldie asks Patricia to bring her some cookies. While Oldie's busy, Mrs. Hinkle spikes her punch with cough syrup. Annie reacts to this with a face full of horrified dismay and playful swat to Mrs. Hinkle's osteoporosis-ridden shoulder, and yet Annie still says nothing to Oldie about how Patricia isn't her personal servant.
At the roadside diner, the manager asks the Hamiltons what's wrong. Waiter comes up and gives the Hamiltons some hamburgers, to which John protests that not only didn't they order hamburgers, but also that these hamburgers are cold. Manager tells the Hamiltons that maybe they should just take their business somewhere else, to which John states that this kind of thing is illegal in 1999. Manager says he owns this restaurant and he has the right to refuse service to anyone, as stated on a sign. As soon as the manager is out of earshot, RevCam gets brave and says, "You've got to be kidding!" RevHam and John say that this is their fight. "And mine, too," says RevCam, totally missing the point. RevCam says he's embarrassed to be white right now, which I don't understand. White people do stupid stuff all the time, and I'm not embarrassed for them. Case in point: Brenda Hampton is white, and while I'm disgusted with her as an individual, I'm not embarrassed for my entire race because she happens to be a part of it. RevCam declares that it's time to take action. Stokely Carmichael spins in his grave. Revs Cam and Ham stand up and demand food. Manager threatens to call the cops. They tell him to go right ahead, because they aren't going anywhere. Manager picks up the phone and dials. Boy, is he going to be pissed when Sgt. Michaels, the only cop in town, shows up. I'm almost looking forward to this.
Post-commercial, the police have arrived, and yes, it's Sgt. Michaels, along with another black officer who must have transferred out by the time Kevin came to town, since I don't think I've ever seen a black officer at Glenoak PD before. Surprisingly enough, Sgt. Michaels is none too sympathetic with the manager and his "service problem." He says he just read about another restaurant with a similar problem that got sued for a couple hundred thousand dollars. RevCam asks RevHam what he'll do with his settlement. RevHam says he might get the church a new organ, since he's a minister, as is RevCam. So now, not only is Manager getting sued for tons of money, but he's also totally going to hell. RevHam demands both an apology and his food, served the way he ordered it, and in a prompt and courteous fashion. Manager mutters that he's sorry, and they'll get their food. RevHam says that he plans to tell all his parishioners, who, I guess we're supposed to assume are all black, about this restaurant's service and they'll probably come here, too. John says he'll tell his friends, who, again, we're supposed to assume are all black, about this restaurant as well. Manager looks sad, like, buck up, dude, your business is about to double. RevHam also asks Manager to donate unused food to the church, just like every other restaurant in town. I don't think there will be any unused food, what with all the new customers this place is about to get. Sgt. Michaels tells Manager that this better not happen again, and Manager walks away. RevCam asks Sgt. Michaels if he's hungry. Sgt. Michaels says he'd be happy to blow off work and give money to a racist establishment. One step forward, ten thousand steps back with this show's contribution to the fight against racism.