Episode Report Card Keckler: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Day 3
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 06.17.2007
Service starts with Ramsay getting on Rock's back early. After yelling, "You don't toss the fucking risotto!" at Rock, Ramsay also taunts him for half-closing his eyes when he gets sweat in them. In what seems like a nasty allusion to Aaron's swoon earlier, Ramsay screams, "You feeling dizzy? Medic! Medic!" at Rock. The best part is when Ramsay leans back a bit, attempting to mime dizziness. I say "attempting" because I'm willing to bet Ramsay has never felt dizzy his entire life. As service drags on, no one seems to be able to get the baby poo-colored risotto right, and Rock starts talking about himself in the third person: "Rock knows he's the leader. The problem is that Chef Ramsay doesn't know that Rock is the real leader." Keckler starts to worry that Keckler's favorite is starting to crack up. That problem is, if he is Keckler would be sad. Oh, and just like last year's ice shortage, which sent Rachel running and falling for bags of ice, Hell's Kitchen has a water shortage this year. In the middle of service, Josh is dispatched to the delivery truck where he runs and falls for cases of water. Because god forbid the denizens of L.A. go without their Pellegrino.
Other food screw-ups during service have Nearly Naked Bonnie sending raw scallops to the pass, which upon investigation by Ramsay, have the poor guy blithering, "Who coo -- who?" He's so upset, he can't even swear. Of course, he quickly recovers and throws pieces of scallops around, cursing Nearly Naked Bonnie out. Rock's ass-kicking gets noticed by Ramsay, and he also congratulates the Blue Team for getting some orders out, adding, "Don't start wetting your pants." More drama ensues when Ramsay discovers a smelly container of crab sitting out, getting all warm and spoiled. The fault lies with Joanna, who admits that the crab didn't smell bad to her. After Ramsay screams and hollers and shoves the whiffy container of crab under everyone's noses, poor JP asks if he should recommend something else to the customers. "Yes, recommend a new restaurant!" Ramsay blusters.
It's an hour into service, and the Red Team hasn't sent out any food of any sort, but the Blue Team has served half of their appetizers to happy customers. Unfortunately, Ramsay finds a problem. Gathering the Blue Team around him with a "Hey, come here, donkeys!" Ramsay shows them all the raw egg that was about to go out to the dining room. Venting his frustration on Vinnie, the egg cooker, Ramsay slams the undercooked egg into his chest. It looks for a moment as though Vinnie is about to rumble with Ramsay, but sadly he thinks better of it and gets back to work. The Red Team is finally getting appetizers out and Jen thinks they're doing so well that she tosses what she thinks is excess cooked (but not plated) spaghetti into the trash. Another order for the spaghetti appetizer comes in and Jen panics. Pulling a George Costanza, she goes over to the garbage, PICKS OUT THE TRASHED SPAGHETTI, and washes it. In the sink. She tells us, "212° kills the bacteria." Luckily for Jen and for all the diners in Hell's Kitchen, Julia refuses to serve the washed spaghetti. All of this goes unnoticed by Ramsay. Again, I can only imagine, fantasize, DREAM what his reaction would have been. He might just have keeled right over without a word as his brain seized up trying to process a hundred and fifty different epithets and variants on "fuck."