Episode Report Card Shack: D+ | 64 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT The Known Soldier
By Shack | Season 6 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.05.2002
Elsewhere, Robbie is standing out in front of a Marine recruiting facility, looking at the sign in slight confusion and sighing while holding a bag from a fast food restaurant. I think the poor boy forgot where he lived again. He's thinking, "If only I knew how to read…" Eventually a Marine comes out and invites him to come inside. Robbie says he doesn't want to come in. He's not quite clear on how the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy works and doesn't want to get into trouble. Anyway, he's there to give the recruiter the gift of a $1.99 breakfast value meal in honor of Staff Sgt. Dwight J. Morgan. I've been more charitable to the crack-addled homeless people I used to live near. And here's where I finally realized that everybody is going to keep saying Morgan's full title and name with every single reference. I don't know how anybody thought that this would be anything less than irritating and embarrassing. It makes the show sound like an extended commercial for one of those tax places that gives you an advance on your rebate check. Imagine somebody saying, "Thank you, Staff Sgt. Dwight J. Morgan!" while waving a check at the camera. Robbie also invites the recruiter to come to the daycare center he works at during the week, to talk to the kids. Robbie wanders off to find a nice police officer who can help him find where home is, while the Marine pulls a French fry out of the bag, looks up towards the heavens, and thanks Dwight. Yeah, who are you going to thank when you need a triple bypass? I think this guy was an actual Marine. He was still a better actor than anybody else on this show.
Robbie wanders up to a giant, gas-guzzling pick-up truck covered in flags. Inside the truck, Ernest Borgnine is reading the newspaper. That poor man. Doesn't anybody out there have anything for Ernest to do? Robbie asks Ernest if he wants some free flags. He's handing them out in honor of Morgan. He gives Ernest four, and Ernest shouts his thanks to Morgan into his rearview mirror. You heard it here, folks: Heaven is located in Ernest Borgnine's truck. Ernest tells Robbie that he's a veteran, and Robbie thanks him for serving. Ernest says that nobody's ever said that to him before. What? Ever? That I don't believe. I can't believe this show's trying to make viewers feel like they don't adequately respect the folks of our military. Go peddle your guilt elsewhere, Brenda; I'm not buying any. As Robbie wanders off again, Ernest shouts out his window to apologize for cutting off Robbie in traffic earlier. So he was the culprit Robbie was talking about. I'm sure Robbie deserved it.