Episode Report Card Sobell: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Haywire -- dead!
By Sobell | Season 2 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.04.2007
Kellerman whips out his phone to buzz Madame Evil. The first words out of her mouth are, "Paul, where are you?" He replies, "Did you send the police?" Madame Evil tries to sound outraged, and then Kellerman has his own series of flashbacks to allllll the times where Agent Kim was all, "So! You're no longer talking directly to the president. It's all me. Me me me me me me me me." Kellerman abruptly asks, "Where did we spend my 35th birthday? The restaurant? Where was it? You remember."
We cut to the back of some blonde's head. She's saying, in a completely different voice, "Don't be ridiculous. I have to go." Kellerman says, "Do not hang up." Madam Feeble repeats, "I have to go." Kellerman says, "Hey -- whoever this is? Tell Bill Kim that he just screwed up, big-time." Cut to the waifish blonde turning to look at Agent Kim and shrugging. He does the face-palm thing, and that is so delightful, it more than makes up for my disappointment that it wasn't Kim -- in a blonde wig for "getting into character" -- on the phone. I hope it was good for you too.
By the time Mahone's on the scene, so are a dozen gawking local yokels. Bellick explains that when "some wacko climbs to the top of a grain elevator" -- we pause so I can shout triumphantly, "Ha! Haaaaaaa! I win!" -- "people want to watch." Mahone hisses at Bellick that he was supposed to keep a handle on things. Ha-- they're like the Odd Couple of renegade law enforcement. Mahone tells the local sheriff to back off 'cause Bellick's his, then climbs the ladder. He stops on the way up to take a few of his crazy pills, then hops up next to Haywire.
"How you doing, Charles?" Mahone asks quietly. Haywire, who is sitting, looks up at him and says, "I don't want to go back to prison." Mahone chortles and says, "I don't blame you." Haywire adds, "I want to go to Holland." Mahone, still standing a ways away, laughs ruefully and says, "That's not what I expected to hear. But you can't go there, son." Shaking his head furiously, Haywire pulls out his painting, unfolds it, and points at the windmill, saying tearfully, "I just want to go here. See?" Mahone looks at that, and his entire body cringes back as he exhales. (Can you tell I love this scene? Well-played, both of you.) After a moment, Mahone says quietly, "I tell you what. You don't have to go to prison. But you can't go to Holland either." Haywire childishly protests, "Oh, no no no no no no no." Mahone leans forward and says, "Hey, it's okay. It's okay -- you're... you're in a tough spot. You feel trapped, you got no options, and you're caught in a situation where you've got no control." Wow -- project much, Mahone? At least he didn't add, "And you're working for this total tool! And you hate him!" Mahone says, "I know how you feel. I do. It takes its toll on you, and all you want to do is run." We cut to Haywire, looking pensive. Mahone asks, "But run where?" Haywire says pleadingly, "I just want to go."