Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT He Taught Me How To Drive By
By Joe R | Season 3 | Episode 7 | Aired on 09.23.2007
Porno set. Andy has invited Doug (limping with a crutch after Celia dropped a paperweight on his toe in the earlier scene) and Dean over to observe the festivities. It gets a little more festive than the performers bargained for, however, when Lexington starts farting like crazy from all the hummus and tabbouleh that Andy's been feeding him. Farting porn stars, y'all.
Shane's at Christian school, where the other boys are threatening to beat him up if he won't submit to being saved. "Do you want to be damned for all eternity?" the lead boy asks. Shane: "No, I just want you to go to hell." That earns him a punch to the gut. Some pretty little Christian girls calls the boys off, and when Shane looks up at her, she's kind of being beatified by the sunlight. "Don't you want to be saved?" she asks him, and from the look on his face, he does now. She offers to teach him the word of God at lunchtime. I'm sure if it'll keep him off of his mother's ass about having to attend Christian school, Nancy's all for it. After the Jesus Crew leaves, Isabelle finds Shane still crumpled on the ground and asks what happened to him. "Amelia's going to save me," he says. Isabelle follows his gaze to the still-luminous Amelia...and gets that Sapphic look in her eye. Oh, no! Don't allow yourselves to be pitted against each other, Shane and Isabelle! Unite! Unite!
Mexican standoff. (...Sorry.) Nancy tells Marvin she's not sure this was a good idea, and Marvin nervously asks if she's second-guessing him, calling her "bitch" in the process, which was off-putting coming from U-Turn but just sad coming from Marvin. Marvin offers the Mexicans everything but the weed trade, but the Mexicans shove a gun in Marvin's mouth and demand -- after several lost-in-street-slang-translation moments with Nancy -- their heroin back. Turns out U-Turn never told Marvin about the trunk full o' smack he left with Nancy, which gives Nancy some leverage: Marvin frees her, Conrad, and Heylia from their debt, and she tells the Mexicans where they can find their heroin. Or else she can let them kill the now-crying Marvin. Nancy wins this round, but Guillermo very seriously tells her that he runs all the drug trade in this city now, and he'd better not catch any of them dealing anywhere. So Nancy's all, "Back to square one, then." And does Guillermo kiss Nancy on the mouth before she takes off? Of course he does. Girl's getting passed around like a joint.
Christian school. Shane approaches Amelia and says he missed her at lunch today -- is she still interested in teaching him the cute, cute teachings of the Lord? Amelia says that God sent her someone in even more dire need of some Christian learnin' -- Isabelle, the homosexual. Isabelle sidles up next to Amelia and slings an arm over her shoulder before giving Shane the "later, small fry" eyebrows. As they walk off, Isabelle slides her hand down to Amelia's waist, but she's rebuffed. For now. I've yet to see Isabelle fail when she sets her mind on something.