Episode Report Card M. Giant: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT OMFGOTUS
By M. Giant | Season 7 | Episode 8 | Aired on 02.09.2009
In the suburbs, Walker walks past Vossler's literal, actual, white picket fence and knocks on the door of a house. Mrs. Vossler answers with the baby on her hip, all smiles and helpfulness until Walker shows her gun and charges inside. "Shut up, do what I tell you, and there's a chance you'll live through this," she orders the frightened woman and child. Well, I don't think that's called for. It's 3:30:42.
At 3:35:04, Walker is standing guard over the Mrs. and Baby V. The kid's in his pack-and-play, crying, and when his mom tries to go to him, Walker points her gun at her and threatens to shoot her. Okay, that's just unnecessary. "You're going to kill me for trying to comfort my baby?" says Mrs. V. Walker just tells her to sit down. "What kind of person are you?" Mrs. V. asks as she sits. "Doing this to us." Walker tells her to ask her husband, who of course Walker has never met. "Maybe you don't know him as well as you think you do." "I know he would never point a gun near a child," says Mrs. V. Good one. "Shut up!" Walker snaps. This is going well. Finally Walker makes Mrs. V. cuff herself to the coffee table, while the kid gets more and more upset. Whatever, Walker, you're dead to me now. And not just I'll-dig-you-up-again-five-minutes-from-now dead, either.
Elsewhere, Kiefer is closing in on Vossler while Moss directs him towards Vossler's location, Matrix-style. In order to catch up and cut Vossler off, Kiefer goes the wrong way down a one-way street while Moss counts down the seconds to intercept. "I got him," Kiefer says, somehow recognizing on sight a car he's never seen driven by a person he's never met. Good thing it's the right guy, because he slams into Vossler's car (collision-cam!) and each vehicle crashes into another parked car. Well, Kiefer likes to point to his results, and you can't get a much more impressive result than single-handedly totaling four cars. But I'd like to see how Kiefer would have done this if Moss happened to drive a Yaris. Pulling his gun out, Kiefer stomps up to the dazed Vossler, punches him in the head to daze him some more, and drags him out of the car at 3:37:16. From there, he pulls Vossler into the wide-open "security" lobby of an apartment building, throws him down against the wall, and asks where Henry Taylor is. When Vossler doesn't talk, Kiefer goes right to the nuclear options. "Fine, we'll do this your way," he says, as though this weren't exactly what he wants. He pulls out his cell phone to call Walker. Of course, Walker's cell phone is lying in pieces outside Matobo's residence where Litvak left it a few hours ago. Fortunately she's gotten hold of a new one somehow. Vossler hears Kiefer say, "I got Vossler, you got his wife?" "And his child," Walker confirms. Kiefer tells Walker to put her phone on speaker, and tells Vossler, "Talk to your wife!" The Vosslers freak out at each other over Kiefer's phone for a few seconds, and Walker tells Mrs. V, "I didn't want to have to do this." With that, she turns her back and approaches the crying baby, blocking his mother's view of him as he cries even harder. "You can stop this. Just tell me where he is," Kiefer tells Vossler. Mrs. V. backs that up, panicked that Walker's about to pull a Caprica Six on her baby. Finally Vossler agrees to talk. Kiefer tells Walker, "Stand down, I'll get back to you," and hangs up. So Walker, suddenly all caring and compassionate, takes the boy out of the pack-and-play and hands him to his mom, telling him, "Your baby's fine." Mrs. V. isn't exactly grateful for the change of heart. "You're a monster," she says ungratefully. Yes, the new Bride of Kiefer is alive. ALIIIVE!