Episode Report Card Al Lowe: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Just Like Gwen And Gavin
By Al Lowe | Season 6 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.16.2006
Luke looks out the front door of the diner and sees April on her bike, talking to the postman. He commands her to come inside immediately and berates her for talking to a stranger. I'd be a bit more upset that she left her cute bike in the middle of the sidewalk, but whatever, he doesn't know what he's doing. Luke says the postman could be a strangler for all she knows. "He seemed to know you," April says. Luke answers that, of course, that's Jake the postman, and he's known him for fifteen years. "You've known a strangler fifteen years," April says. Luke says he's not a strangler, but she shouldn't talk to people she doesn't know and should not trust anyone. She says in that case, she'll go lock her bike. "No," he sniffs, "you don't have to lock your bike; this is a safe town." April shrugs. "Well," she says, "I'm confused."
Luke asks what she's going to do. "Sit and color?" he asks, and she laughs. "I haven't colored in six or seven years," she says. "But that takes me back. Coloring. Wow." She says also that she doesn't really feel like reading, and that his salt and pepper shakers look a little low, so maybe she can fill those. He seems reluctant, but says okay, and as he walks away she shakes her head, laughing again that he suggested coloring.
The New England Syrup Council is having -- I can hardly type it without gagging -- a syrup-tasting. They're drinking it out of espresso cups, and Lorelai and Sookie, watching from the corner, are grossed out. "Why don't they pour it on something," Lorelai says. "A waffle...a pancake." They're sickly fascinated by the whole thing until the head syrup guy starts distributing spit buckets. Ew, indeed.
Lorelai escapes and is confronted with Logan, sitting in the waiting area. She gives him a flat hello, and he says he just needs a minute. "I can't fathom," Lorelai says, "what a minute of my time is going to do for you." He says he knows she's not his favorite person in the world, and she confirms this, saying he's pretty low on the list, right above the guy who thought up smallpox blankets. Logan has the nerve to say that he figures he's got to a notch or two higher than that. Lorelai reminds him that he's in no position to have an opinion on that, and recaps all the fun stuff Rory has been up to since his bratty ass arrived on the scene. You know, getting arrested and convicted, dropping out of school, fighting with her family, et cetera. "No, wait a minute," she concludes. "You ARE my favorite person." Logan again dares to say that he figures he can defend himself on a few of those points, but Lorelai...does not agree. "No," she says. "You can't. Why are you here?" He says he misses Rory terribly, knows he made a mistake and is trying everything to fix it, but she won't budge. "Can you blame her?" Lorelai drones, and I pray that soon, she will physically kick his ass out the door, but instead he continues, unharmed. "I'm trying to show her how I feel," he says, and Lorelai flips it, saying it sounds like Rory is trying to show him how she feels, too. Logan says he's not giving up until he exhausts all his options, and asking for Lorelai's help is one of his tactics. She actually budges a little, though I cannot imagine why, and says that he has moxie. He says he gets it, he thinks, from his dad. "I hate your dad," she tells him, and he says he does, too, pointing out that they have that in common. ARGH. Why is everyone acting so stupid in this episode?Lorelai must be all concerned about this conversation because, going against her original plan, she heads to the diner. Here, she runs into a cute little girl filling the salt shakers. She says hi and asks what the girl is doing. "Chores," April says, and they have a little chat about the universal hatred of clumpy salt. "So," Lorelai asks. "Who do you belong to, Cesar?" The girl is confused. "You're not Cesar's?" Lorelai asks, and April says no, not according to the lab results. Clearly charmed, Lorelai asks how she landed the gig. "My father owns the place," April says, and we see the "Uh-WHA?" face come over Lorelai. "Your father?!" Lorelai says, and April says yes, her biological father. She's not sure what to call him, since this is all kind of new. "Not the biological part," she says. "That happened years ago." She goes rambling on about the salt as Luke comes around the corner and sees all. "I thought you couldn't get away," he says to Lorelai. "I got away," she answers, her heart clearly wrenching around like it's going through a pasta machine. They go outside, where Lorelai stands with her arms folded. "I don't believe it," she says. "This is for sure?" Luke says it's for sure, and she asks when he found out. He says he just found out, but when she calls him on it he has to admit it was two months ago. "I know I should have told you," he says -- but frankly, he doesn't seem all that sorry about it. Lorelai says the girl is cute, and he goes into a rambling story about how the whole thing happened, and how he wanted to forget the whole thing at first, and then how he changed his mind. Lorelai is sad and furious, simultaneously. WHY she doesn't kick him in the nuts, I have no idea. If I was her, I'd stuff his head down the mailbox, slam it closed, and leave him there. SHUT UP, LUKE, with your I'm-sorrys. Man, it makes me mad.