Episode Report Card M. Giant: B | 1 USERS: C- YOU GRADE IT Dead Boss Walking
By M. Giant | Season 3 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.17.2004
6:21:26, CTU. Soul Patch notifies Kiefer that Special Agent Charlie Brown has a strike team ready to go as soon as they know where Saunders is, and that Soul Patch has arranged a chopper to ferry Chappelle to the train yard: "We can't afford to be slowed down by rush-hour traffic." I'm sure Chappelle feels the same way. And can I just say how marvelous it is that the first time this show acknowledges Los Angeles traffic, it's because it threatens their chances of killing the boss in time? Potato Face calls Kiefer over and tells him it might be ninety minutes before she can crack the encryption, which Kiefer is none too impressed with. Potato Face says, "I'm doing my very best. Your tone of voice isn't exactly a morale booster." Potato Face obviously doesn't spend much time on the boards. Kiefer looks like he wishes her morale were in her ass so he could give it a boost with his foot, but he walks away instead. As some random blonde with a long bowl-cut steps up to help Potato Face in the background, Kiefer looks over to the glass-walled conference room where he left Chappelle. Which is now empty. As are all of the surrounding glass-walled offices. Whoopsie. "Oh, Ryan," Kiefer breathes. Every gay man in the world named Ryan now has a new Windows startup sound.
It's 6:22:36. Chappelle walks through the hallways alone. A uniformed security guard stops him and asks him to go back to the office. Chappelle tries to lay down a little rank-pulling smack, but the guard doesn't even pretend to be afraid of him. That's just sad. Just then, Kiefer appears from the office with two more uniforms behind him. Chappelle acts all offended at the implication that he might be trying to run: "I wouldn't condemn millions of people to death so I could live." Dude, you didn't feel that way eleven minutes ago. He claims he was just heading outside for a smoke break. Kiefer's not buying it, because in three years nobody on this show has had a chance to pee, let alone have a puff in the parking lot. He asks to see Chappelle's cigarettes. Chappelle just stands there until Kiefer invokes his presidentially-imparted authority and orders Chappelle to a holding room, escorted by the guards. This is one of those things they teach you in security guard school: everybody outranks the guy who's probably going to be dead by the end of your shift. Before he goes with the guards, Chappelle gives Kiefer a poisonous look and a pack of Camel Lights. Kiefer feels like a prick, but Chappelle's still going to the cooler instead of sucking a heater. It's 6:23:52.
6:28:15. Chappelle stews in holding, Saunders makes Zoolander faces at his computer, that random blonde chick with the bad haircut stares at something (pretty colors, she thinks), and Miller questions Kathy in her hotel room. Bitchelle is also in the room, calling Soul Patch with the bad news about Bill from Hill's departure from Inn Fection after the V-I-R-U-S was released but before the lockdown was in full effect. She explains Bill from Hill's status as an anonymous one-night stand, and that he probably doesn't know he's been exposed to anything more deadly than Kathy's sweet lovin'. Bitchelle ends the call with a promise to send over any potential Bill from Hill prints they find. Then she returns her attention to Kathy and makes her go over her romantic interlude one more time. Kathy's too freaked out to really sell the erotic narrative of her and Bill from Hill coming into the room and him undressing her, but it's enough for Bitchelle; she drops into a crouch and dives for Kathy's belt. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about! Oh, wait, she's just looking for Bill from Hill's prints on the buckle. Dammit. Miller finds a partial thumbprint that isn't Kathy's, scans it in, and uploads it to CTU on Bitchelle's orders. Kathy sits on the bed, having been roundly dissed by her second partner in as many hours.