Episode Report Card Michael Neal: A- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT No Period? Exclamation Point!
By Michael Neal | Season 2 | Episode 15 | Aired on 05.08.2008
Lemon gets home early to find subway hero Duffy lounging on her couch. He lied to his mom about finding a job so he crashes at Lemon's place during the day -- no harm, no foul. He wants to know if she has something to tell him and then plays an answering machine message from a nurse whose tone sounds very similar to the messages his sister's got in high school. "You're pregnant." Duffy starts blurting out his baby demands, like that it be named Morpheus after The Matrix if it's a boy. Lemon kicks him out.
Jenna finds Kenneth in Tracy's living room and shows him a very special tape. No it's not the RoseTomnna tape everyone was clamoring for over at TMZ. It's a tape of his personal essay for the Olympics page position. She presses play. Jenna endorses Kenneth with some hidden camera footage full of backdoor compliments (for her not him) and a heartfelt song: "So beautiful in every way/I see myself in youuuu". Kenneth is overjoyed and thanks her. He has 20 minutes to rush over to NBC Sports and submit it but at the elevator Cerie wanders by, pulling on her hair like a strange untouchable nymph (water nymph) and informs him that someone wants him to carry 12 boxes of copier paper to Stage 1. A conflicted Kenneth remembers an ancient Chinese ethos: "Duty before self." He goes to get the copier paper.
Jack and James go through files trying to find something so incompetent it would get them fired. James unearths just that when he discovers a file on the government's secret plan to create a gay bomb that would reduce enemy soldier's combat posture by making them totally gay-bones for each other. Lest you think this is some great and elaborate flight of fiction by the 30 Rock writers I point you towards this real news story I wrote about just a summer ago. "This is exactly what we've been looking for," exclaims Cooter. The only hurdle now is finding money in the Congress for it but Jack just happens to have a friend.
Tracy marches in to Frank's office with a prototype of the Uncanny Valley game. He gives it to him to play and thanks him for all his hard work and tireless effort. Meanwhile Kenneth and the 12 boxes of copier paper reach Studio 1 only to find a diabolical Donny laughing at him. It was all a ruse to make him miss his deadline but while Donny holds on to Kenneth's slim shoulders Hornberger(!) pierces his leg with a bow and arrow. "Run, Kenneth, run!" Kenneth does just that but not before expressing sheer terror towards Pete. He makes his way through the hall more fleet of foot than even Dr. Leo Spaceman in a cape. Lemon is leaving yet another phone message for Jack but she pauses to marvel at Kenneth who grabs a pole then uses it to press the up button on the elevator. He dismounts on the NBC Sports floor and hurls his application envelope into the closing doors for the Beijing Summer Olympics HQ. Then he vomits into a blue bucket.