Episode Report Card Keckler: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Say Goodnight, Shran
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.10.2005
In the Quantumnal Ready Room, Shran says that his people have identified the brainwave and it belongs to no sort of Andorian that Quantum has ever seen. "They're a kind of sub-species," Shran explains, "blind ice-dwellers." Wait. The blind part I get, but "ice-dwellers"? Aren't all Andorians ice-dwellers? Wasn't it just last week that Shran was gabbling about bringing his Indigo Girl's blood "back to the ice of Andoria"? So, how is "ice-dweller" a defining characteristic for this sub-species? Shran goes on that, for a long time, this mythical sub-species was only a myth to the rest of Andoria. However, fifty years ago the sub-species were discovered in the northern wastelands of the planet. I don't think it's nice to call Canadians a sub-species. Even though these Aenar are secretive and reclusive, Shran doesn't believe they could have built the ship because they are pacifists. Shran and Quantum agree that they have to find out who is controlling the ship, and Quantum orders a course set for Andoria.
Sickbay. The entire room is taken up with tubing and equipment and spare parts -- what if someone has a medical emergency? Where are they going to go? I guess they can just quietly bleed to death in the corner. Trip gets up from where he was fiddling with stuff on the floor. In response to his huffing and puffing, T'Pol tells him to rest since Phlox thinks it's too soon after his radiation sickness for him to return to duty. "Phlox? You were talkin' to him about me?" Trip hopes. T'Pol tells him shortly that it came up in conversation. Trip says he doesn't have time to take a break because the cap'n needs his unit right away. T'Pol tells him she can handle the captain's unit, and fusses with something. Apparently, her fussing is ineffectual because Trip reaches over, twists the thing off with a mighty grunt, and tells the wee little girl thing that she might be good at crocheting lace and crunching numbers but she's "a little out of her league" when it comes to "sticking things together." Shut up, Cancelled Trip. It really infuriates me that they made Trip exhibit a whole show of strength while he delivered that line. T'Pol's a goddamned Vulcan! Why the hell she hasn't kicked everyone's ass on this ship is beyond me. Clearly, it's also beyond the writers. Trip confesses, "You know, when I wuz on that ship with Malcolm, I wuz convinced I wuz gonna die." I've heard Reed has that effect on people. Trip wonders if T'Pol has "ever bin there." "Since Enterprise was launched, we've all been near death. On more than one occasion," T'Pol says dismissively. Trip brushes all those other puny brushes with death aside and says he REALLY felt like he was near death this time. T'Pol admits she felt that way in the Expanse when they were destroying Sphere 41. Trip gets close to her and asks what went through her mind. "Whether or not to transfer auxiliary power to the deflector array," T'Pol responds. Aw, come off it, T'Pol -- that's not the ONLY thing you were thinking about! Admit it, you were also reconfiguring the warp field parameters, analyzing the collected works of Charles Dickens, and considering a new food supplement for Spot. Trip's all disappointed that her "final thoughts" weren't about him. Please. If they were, would she admit it to him at this time? I mean, I don't know about you, but putting together a telepresence unit that will interfere with the navigational controls of a murdering, marauding, supersonic chameleonic ship doesn't exactly make me feel romantic. On top of that, she's already told Trip he needs to back off while she becomes a nun AND she's a FREAKING VULCAN and therefore NOT very LIKELY to have EMOTIONAL thoughts at a time when it's not LOGICAL or HELPFUL to have them, ESPECIALLY when LIVES ARE ON THE LINE! God. Grow up, Cancelled Trip!
In a very cool shot of a ringed planet or moon, Enterprise zooms toward the Andorian homeworld. Reed frets all over Quantum about the dampening field surrounding the Aenar compound and how Quantum won't be able to contact the ship. In spite of this, Shran and Quantum steadfastly refuse to bring a complement of Uh-Ohs with them, because they want the Aenars to trust them. Shran and Quantum beam down to Andorinnesota. Quantum, the wimp, immediately clutches his quilted hood around his face. Shran, on the other hand, is overjoyed with the temperature. Shran takes a reading and Quantum boggles at the -28°. Bitch, please -- that's like a run-of-the-Mill-on-the-Floss Minnesotan winter. Hell, one winter in Ann Arbor, the windchill was -75° and we still went to our classes. And we liked it! Shran tells Quantum to be grateful it's the middle of summer. As they walk, Shran talks about how the cities of Andoria are built underground to take advantage of geothermal energy. Dude, that's just like the Duluth campus of the University of Minnesota! However, I do suspect that their underground tunnels are more about avoiding the wind off Lake Superior and less about the geothermal stuff. Shran brags that he didn't see the sun until he was fifteen and then falls to his knees. Quantum reminds EVERYONE that Shran still hasn't regained his balance from his recent cranial castration. They forge on through pretty blue and green lights playing off the cave set sprayed down with fake snow.