Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Chai Achievers
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 10 | Aired on 08.10.2009
d offers to open the bottle and get him some water. Shane's not interested; Silas sits on the arm of a chair to look more closely at him, closing his eyes briefly. I wonder what it was like for Silas the week his father died. I bet it was like this."I like the way it feels," Shane tries to explain. "Like a knife popping the same balloon, over and over. Only you don't have to blow up a new one. I could make the pain go away any time, with a pill, but I don't want to?" Silas stares. This is straight out of the Daredevil Handbook, this shit. Cutters and anorexics too. When you don't have control over anything, you will always have control over your body. "I don't have to think about anything else. It's great." Silas breathes and pastes on a smile; fearing he's going to cry he heads off to the kitchen, to watch Shane from a place he can't see.
Celia's drinking a cosmo while Dean moves her entire life into the gorgeous condo on the thirteenth floor, having neglected to tell him about the elevator. He mentions URBANIAK when she asks where those idiots got the pot from in the first place, and notices her door: four deadbolts, reinforced steel and a coded entry system. "Plus," she giggles, there's a security guard downstairs, and the TV's channel 3 is a cc on the front gate. He is impressed -- "You are scary good at this!" -- and she invites him to think up his own "secret knock" so that he will always be able to get in, and of course locks the door behind him and calls security immediately: "There's a sweaty Jew in my hallway?"
Nancy has decided it's time for Silas to go abroad, being eighteen and restless, and offers to settle him with a lot of cash anywhere in Europe he likes. Preferably western Europe, because the food's better. She's bored by his automatic response -- "even Amsterdam?" -- but agrees to it: "Sure! I'll get you a Europass, you can stay in hostels, go to museums, seduce traveling Australians..." (Does that sound like utter hell to anybody else? As the great philosopher Summer Roberts once said, "You haven't seen hostile 'til you put me up in one!" And don't get me started on Australians.)
He asks what the catch is and she assures him there isn't one. When people are young, they travel Europe in the company of a backpack. That's what normal people do. And somebody has to be normal in the family -- just ask Jill Price-Gray! -- so that's him. Esteban appears in the doorway with the news that he's been replaced as a candidate for governor, and they share a quiet moment of disappointment (and a tiny bit of fear) before she turns back to Silas with a faux-excited smile: "You leave tomorrow."
Having put the pieces together, Doug visits Dean's law offices -- which I guess he's going to have to leave now -- to find out how Celia enticed him into her plan to sell the Super Lucky weed. Dean notes that in fact she promised him nothing at all, because she is scary and he is a schlub. "Betrayer! Cock breaker!" Doug shouts, whining about how he's lost five grand to the face chemicals and how his "splooge" now "doesn't want to come out" and is "stuck in a pocket between [his] balls." Not with a lifetime of diagrams would that make sense to me, and I actually own those parts, but Doug's junk is like Nancy's breasts: I refuse to be a part of it from now on.
Dean and Doug sort of agree to team up against Celia, but first Doug wants Dean to dip his nuts in a steaming hot cup of coffee -- "flaccid in the acid," he warns after spotting Dean trying to get hard, and like... These guys and their dicks, seriously -- and the Great Balls Of Boba people once again hear the screaming of Dean and Doug and their dick obsession with each other.
Nancy hangs out on the counter while Esteban showers, asking why -- since he has the votes -- he doesn't just keep fighting. He might have the votes, he says, but Pilar has "an army." She tells him to just use the people like a blunt instrument -- something she knows a bit about -- and wag the dog, as we say in America. "In my country," he responds, "Dogs travel in packs." So essentially, Nancy grits, Pilar wins. Yes, but on the upside, now they can get married and eat Entenmann's and have fun, and he won't feel like he's endangering her family anymore.
Nancy puts it together: Esteban would run for governor on his own, if it weren't for their family. He protests, but she knows she's right. "You would win," she says, and he proudly agrees. "Then do it." They are adorable together, and she is proud: this is a woman she could be, and not feel like she was giving anything up. Take those six months without danger and put them on a national stage, and you have the perfect set up for both Nancy and Lacey to work together and achieve a life with him, and never let him go.
They're cuddling by the pool when Silas comes out and "respectfully" declines her offer of asylum. Esteban assures him it's not up for discussion, and Nancy explains that Esteban (meaning "we") has decided to run as an Independent. Silas offers to wear the campaign shirt, and Nancy refuses: one less son to worry about. "They're kids! You can take care of yourself," Me-Mom says, and Esteban assures him the boys will be fine just as Shane floats by in the pool, drunk and belching. Nancy's token attempt at parenting, today, is to yell for him to say "Excuse me," and he awesomely shouts back, "NO!"