Episode Report Card Sara M: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Here They Come, Walking Down The Street
By Sara M | Season 3 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.15.1998
Simon sits on the kitchen island. "Hello, my name is Simon and I'm a coffaholic," he says to nobody. Matt walks by and pours some coffee into a mug, hands the mug to Simon, and orders him to drink it. Simon does, then immediately spits it out. Simon says it tastes terrible and asks what Matt just gave him. Matt says it was coffee, and asks if Simon wants some more. "No, never!" says Simon, and Matt congratulates him on conquering his addiction. Somehow I doubt Matt's little addiction-curing home remedy would work in any other circumstance. Frankly, I'm still not quite sure why it even worked here. Did Matt pee in it beforehand or something, and that's why it tasted so bad? Like in that old episode of Sally Jessy Raphael, which I think took place during her short red hair period, where the topic was "OUTRAGEOUS videos" and they showed a guy whose roommate woke up extra-early every morning for the sole purpose of peeing in the guy's coffee, and the guy was suspicious, so he set up this whole motion-activated video camera thing and got the coffee-peeing roommate on tape, and this led me to believe that the root of the two roommates' problems with each other was that they were both crazy. I mean, waking up early to pee in someone's coffee, and being so paranoid that it was happening so as to purchase and then set up an elaborate camera system to prove it? And then taking it onto the talk-show circuit? Oh, but I digress...
Ruthie bounds into the kitchen, where she is greeted by Simon, who tells her that he is no longer addicted to coffee. Ruthie says this is good, because his teeth were turning yellow and his breath was smelling worse than usual, as if her teeth are beautiful pearls and her breath smells like roses. Then she asks Matt for gum, at which Simon does a little revenge tattling and says that she isn't allowed to chew gum. Matt gives Ruthie some gum from his shirt pocket, where it's probably become sweaty and linty and gross, and asks her if she knows what makes gum so chewy. Ruthie does not. Matt says this is good, since if she knew, she probably wouldn't like gum anymore. Ruthie asks him what it is, so he whispers something inaudible to her. Ruthie is grossed out and decides never to chew gum again. What did Matt say to her? We never know, but this awful storyline is over, so I'm happy. Ruthie and Simon leave, only to be replaced by RevCam, who asks Matt what's going on. Matt responds that he was just "righting a couple of wrongs," all proud of himself. RevCam says he and Annie figured out that Matt was the one who introduced Simon to coffee and was supplying Ruthie with the gum. RevCam half-lectures that Matt's siblings look up to him, even when he doesn't know they're doing it. Matt says that this can be a pain in the butt. Not as much as having to watch them and their subplots. Matt turns to leave, then turns back and asks RevCam if the kids looking up to him will ever change. RevCam says it won't. Matt says that being an adult is not so great after all. Then he apologizes to RevCam about the pills. RevCam says it's okay. That last part was kind of sweet. Corny, but sweet.
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