| By Aaron | pg 1 of 13 |
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Since I find myself once again recapping a mini-series that almost no one has watched, perhaps some explaining is in order. Most of you are probably familiar with David Lynch's film version of Dune (which will be discussed at length below), but you may not know that Dune was originally published as a series of novels by Frank Herbert in 1965. It remains even today one of the greatest works of science fiction literature ever written. If Gilmore Girls is a shout-out to the awkward, gangly adolescence of this site's female readership, then Dune is undeniably a shout-out to the awkward, gangly adolescence of the MBTV men. What pasty-faced proto-nerd (myself included) didn't read this book in high school -- presumably somewhere between Lord of the Rings and Lord of the Flies? Anyone with a pocket protector (again, myself included) will tell you that the novel still holds a special place on their bookshelf, though it now likely resides between Snow Crash and a Klingon-to-English dictionary. And while I may mock the fans of this book, there is no denying its quality. It seamlessly blends academic dissertations on sociology, religious fanaticism, and planetary ecology with every young boy's most earnest fantasy: that he is destined to someday be Ruler of the Universe, married to a beautiful princess, and that those bullies he has not yet slain in single combat will then bow down before him.
Aww, sniff. Now I've gone and made myself nostalgic. I'm just going to nip out real quick for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while I listen to my old Crowded House albums. I'll be right back.
Okay, on with the recap. As the credits roll, I notice that William Hurt is the only one credited above the title, and he'll be dead before the end of Part One. That doesn't seem fair. I also notice that not only have I never heard of most of the people in this thing, they also all have funny names. Uwe Ochsenknecht? I had trouble typing that, much less saying it. Anyway, as the credits end, the Dune logo crumbles away and morphs into the planet Arrakis. As is contractually required for all Dune-based films, we open with Princess Irulan's narration. "Arrakis�Dune�Desert planet�" she intones, and for a second I'm confused into thinking that SciFi has screwed up and is airing the Lynch version by accident. But instead of impenetrable narration and a great soundtrack, we get a crappy voice-over and some kind of wailing violin. She goes on and on about the Spice and how valuable it is. I guess they're trying to explain things for people who haven't read the book. For those who haven't, I'll summarize: The Spice is the most valuable commodity in the known universe, as it allows both interstellar travel and the ability to see the future. It can be found only on Arrakis, a harsh, desert planet at the edge of the galaxy.
Suddenly there's a bizarre action montage of clips from the rest of the show. Lots of running and low-rent explosions. I get confused again, wondering why they're airing promos after the opening credits. Then I realize that SciFi is running their $20 million dollar, all-star (actually, "one-star") movie-event extravaganza the week AFTER sweeps, which indicates that not only does their timing suck, but apparently so will the movie. The montage wraps up with Bill Hurt turning mysteriously to face the camera as his skin melts away, leaving only a skull. Suddenly, Paul bolts upright in bed, screaming. It was all just a nightmare. His is over. Mine still has five hours and fifty-eight minutes to go. By the way, Paul looks to be about thirty here, instead of the fifteen he is in the book. I read an interview with the director where he said they couldn't find any talented teen-aged actors for the role. Clearly, this guy watches the WB even more than we do.