Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Seven of Whine
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.05.2002
Quantum's Quarters. He's throwing that damn ball against the damn wall again. How annoying can you get? You'd think the passing aliens would have evicted him by now. He's also watching water polo again. He really doesn't have any more facets to his personality, does he? Over a year later, and I already know all there is to know about him: dog, water polo, furrow. And not necessarily in that order. No wonder he doesn't have a girlfriend -- he's duller than a bunch of dull things. Representing a complaint from the condo board, T'Pol walks in. Quantum doesn't stop with his ball-banging and comments, "If the Vulcan High Command doesn't approve of the water polo match I'm watching, I'd be happy to find another." Quantum, you're such a twerp. T'Pol makes it pretty clear that she has something serious to discuss with him, but Quantum persists in his boorishness by craning around her toothpick frame to get a glimpse of the game. Is he using this particular brand of Pabst-Swilling Overfed Frat Boy Squatting In Front Of Madden Football attitude because she shut him and his "sexual tension" down a few weeks ago? T'Pol steps over to put her butt -- the only thing on her body with any matter to it, if you overlook her Hungry Mans -- in front of the game, so Quantum finally turns it off and grudgingly gives her his attention.
T'Pol outlines a bit of her life as a s'cret a'gnt for the VBI, where she was trained in reconnaissance and retrieval. "Move over, Porthos, and let the lady sit down. Sounds like this is going to be good," Quantum orders languidly. But not woodenly or stiffly -- looks like Bakula's finally reading up on himself. Porthos jumps away. At Quantum's urging, T'Pol sits down and tells him that she worked for the VBI seventeen years ago, but the history of this situation goes further back. There was this planet called Agaron that wanted to forge an alliance with Vulcan, but they were a very screwed-up people with lots of issues, so they asked for Vulcan assistance in purging their society of their problems. Scores of Vulcan agents were made up to look like Agarons and sent in to infiltrate the criminal class, and finally succeeded in overthrowing all the unlawful and violent factions. Quantum interrupts, "You're not gonna tell me you're one of those agents?" Why not -- does he think he knows so much about her life? I'll bet he didn't know she appeared on D.C. twice. T'Pol tells him she's not that old, and that she only became involved when the recall of the Vulcan agents failed to bring back all their altered agents. Nineteen of them refused to come home, and T'Pol was on the team sent to drag them home, kicking and screaming. "I was only able to apprehend five of the six agents assigned to me," T'Pol tells him. Quantum finally understands that the purpose of her mission is to get that elusive sixth, but wonders why someone else couldn't do it. "The Ministry considers it a matter of honor," T'Pol tells him. "How very Vulcan," Quantum responds. It turns out that the reason for T'Pol making a clean, er, breast of it is that she wants Quantum to come with her. Quantum's all, "Huh?" and T'Pol's all, "It's dangerous and I need assistance." Quantum mentions the Vulcan ship that is coming to meet them, and thinks they could provide her with the assistance she needs. Yeah, but you're needed in the plotline. Finally, T'Pol admits that she needs someone she can trust. What does that say for her opinion of May-Blip? Yeah, okay, we all feel that way about him. Quantum furrows at her. "If you don't wish to help me, I understand," T'Pol says. Quantum continues with his furrowing, but doesn't respond. T'Pol gives up and starts to leave. "What's his name?" Quantum asks her as soon as she reaches the door. "Menos," T'Pol answers. Quantum nods, "See you in the morning." T'Pol does a double-take as she realizes that this is his suavely oblique way of saying he'll join her -- hold the "suave" -- and leaves. Quantum furrows The Furrow Of So By "Trust" Does She Really Mean "Sex"?
Next day. Trip's peeved that Quantum won't tell him what's going on. "We'll be back in three to five days, Trip -- if that Vulcan ship comes snooping around, the last thing you want to tell them is that I'm with T'Pol," Quantum orders. And keep Old Man Withers busy as well. Trip whines some more about not getting A Piece Of The Action. "Three to five days, Trip," Quantum repeats as they wait for the turbo-lift. Trip wheedles that the night before, Quantum was just as frustrated by T'Pol's refusal to spill her guts, but Quantum still won't budge. "This innit jest a case of curry-osity, but what if yew git hurt, kidnapped?" Trip argues. "Yew put me in charge of the ship but yew won't tell me where yer goin'? How'm I supposed to be a good temp'rary cap'n if I don' know where my peepol are -- tell me that!" Quantum won't tell him that. He says that T'Pol's got some unfinished business to deal with, and he doesn't know why she wants him along, but they'll be fine. Sure -- after all, they've got May-Pinch-Hitter to protect them. He's just as tough as Worf. Sorry, I couldn't even finish typing that with a straight face. As they enter the sh'bay, Trip shows no signs of letting up; he insists that there are many definitions of "unfinished business," so he wants specifics. Quantum just tells him he's in charge of the ship, and confirms with T'Pol that she gave May-Pinch-Hitter the coordinates. Trip watches them board in defeat: "Have fun." Sh'pod takes off.