Episode Report Card Potes: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Pretty Things
By Potes | Season 6 | Episode 3 | Aired on 03.21.2006
The next morning, the girls eat lots of Special K. Do I get a cut of the product placement money, now? (But seriously, Vanilla Almond Special K and Raspberry Special K are awesome.)
The girls wind up at Smashbox Studios, home of L.A. Fashion week, where Miss J. tells them that they will meet Jared Gold, designer of clothes that appear fucked up, unless you are actually a ghost. Jared tells the girls that they'll be walking in his spring collection, which is called "Glinka." If you say "Glinka" three times, she'll materialize and begin to annoy you. Or, you can let her namesake collection do it in her stead. Jared tells the girls that the feel of the collection is "Psychedelic babushka acid witch very very dark." Like LSD-laced truffles fed to you by a sketchy old Russian lady. The girls will be judged by Jared and his team of "fashion advisors," a.k.a. aging club kids. The pasty white makeup doesn't hide the wrinkles, losers. Notice how Tyra never interfaces with the freaks, even as she seems to endorse them.
The girls go into hair and makeup. Kari says that the girls look like hookers from back in old hooker times. They do, in fact, look like the whores from Les Miserables. Ready for a thick one or a quick one in the park, they are. Jade tells Jared that her look is eccentric and strong, and Jared says that his is as well. I would never have guessed that from the needle sticking out of the side of his head. Gina says that she needs to shine in this challenge.
Jared tells the girls that the collection is very ornate, but it is still lacking that one special accessory. Danielle says that she saw Jared holding a goblet, and thus figured that the girls would have to run down the runway holding the goblet "like mini-pimps." Okay, granted, my knowledge of pimps and hos is minimal at best (though I do know it's hard out there for them, because a whole lot of bitches talking shit), but at no point when I envision a pimp in my head does a goblet come in to play. Little do I know. Sometimes I hate being white. Jared says that designers will do anything to get into the press, so the girls should be prepared for God-knows-what. In this case, God-knows-what equals giant Madagascar hissing cockroaches. Strike that. God-knows-what equals bedazzled giant Madagascar hissing cockroaches. Strike that. God-knows-what equals bedazzled giant Madagascar hissing cockroaches on a leash. There is a little bit of freaking out by Gina, and a big "Yes!" from Jade. Jared says that this challenge is all about seeing how the girls handle the crazy shit the fashion world throws at them. Seriously, you guys, fashion is stupid. Gina interviews that she started to puke in her mouth a little bit. The combination of her wacky hair, olde-time whore makeup, and disgusted facial expressions cause her bear an uncanny resemblance to Yoko Ono in her prime.