Episode Report Card Keckler: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Boredomland
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.28.2004
Starfleet HQ at night. In a cell papered with...paper, Dain'ta, a.k.a. Dr. Arik Soong, sneers and writes. He sucks on his pen for a few moments and then he writes and sneers. Dain'ta tries to work the Hannibal Lector as someone announces that he has a visitor. "I'm bu-sy," he singsongs menacingly. Gotta love a guy who thinks he can still be menacing when he's shackled in a cell. The disembodied guard voice orders Dain'ta to stand up. Dain'ta rolls his eyes, all put upon, before finally standing up. "ARMS!" the disembodied guard voice orders. Dain'ta sighs and sticks out his arms. There's a loud zzzzzing and the arm cuffs slam together. As Cask 23 pointed out, this just gives him a pretty neat weapon. They should have shackled his arms behind his back. Stupid disembodied guard voice. We get a better look at Dain'ta's cell and we can see that not only has he Jon Nashed his walls with sheets of paper, he has reams of the stuff piled up in corners. Because he's crrrazy! I should mention that the paper actually has writing on it. Because he's not that crazy. "Jonathan Archer," Dain'ta announces as Quantum steps into the doorway, "what brings you here? They naming the prison after you?" Okay, first of all, "Hee!" but secondly, how does a man in solitary get his daily news? How does he know what's happening on the outside? Quantum wants to ask him some questions, and although Dain'ta gestures to the walls that he's busy auditioning for Proof, he admits that it's not every day he gets to talk to the man who "saved the planet." His air-quotes, not mine. And I love him for it. The credits say that there's someone in this episode called "Big Show." If anyone starts talking off their clothes to bamp-chicka-chicka music, I'm sure it'll be him.
Dain'ta apologizes for the cell clutter, but he isn't allowed "traditional recording" devices. Quantum backstories that Dain'ta programmed the pad to unlock every security door in the building. I assume he means with the traditional recording device that he's not allowed to have, but the dialogue isn't very clear. Dain'ta says he's particularly proud of that feat and goes on that, in the rare occasion that he gets stuck on a problem, he finds that a vigorous escape attempt revitalizes him and helps to clear his head. As Quantum looks around, Dain'ta explains the various genetic modifications he's figuring out to cure diseases or maximize vision. Unless it's a cure for Furrowitis, Quantum ain't interested, and I'm sorry, but to me it just looks like Dain'ta's been filling out California absentee ballot forms. None of it appears handwritten, yet I don't see a computer anywhere either. Dain'ta says that none of his research will ever come to fruition because they vaporize his papers every few months. Spiner loses his upper lip to his teeth when he tries to get all mean -- I noticed it in his TNG days. Quantum wonders why he bothers. They debate genetic engineering: Dain'ta's for it, Quantum's not. However, that's not why Quantum's there. He wants to know what Dain'ta knows about the attack on the Klingon vessel. Dain'ta shrugs that he's read the reports, and snarks that Quantum may have saved Earth for nothing. Quantum says that they found DNA on the Klingon crew that was jettisoned into space. "Let me guess: human?" Dain'ta sneers. "Not quite," Quantum responds. Dain'ta looks warily satisfied. Quantum reveals that the DNA was from "Augments" and matched embryos stolen from a medical facility twenty years ago. "Stolen by you," Quantum finishes. Dain'ta looks pleased.
Giant Hairclip in the Sky. Quantum tells his civvied senior crew that Dain'ta used to work in some top-secret place where infectious diseases and genetically engineered embryos left over from the Eugenics Wars are stockpiled. For obvious reasons, it's all been a big secret. Dain'ta admits that he stole the embryos and raised them on a planet for ten years before he was arrested. Now, the Khannabees are twenty years old and probably running around the universe. "Not a pretty thought," May-Lore says. Now, if we hadn't already seen two of the Khannabees, I'd probably argue with May-B4 that these genetically perfected humans are supposed to be all beautiful and stuff, but as it is, May-Moussaka is exactly right. Nobody knows what the Khannabees want with the Klingon ship, but Dain'ta thinks he can reason with his children and get them to surrender. As Reed realizes that Quantum is bringing Dain'ta along, Quantum explains that Dain'ta has also spent a lot of time in "The Borderland," a volatile region of space between the Klingon Empire and the Orion Syndicate. Not to be confused with "The Expanse," a volatile region of space between Season Three and Keckler's sanity. T'Pol explains that The Borderland is like Mos Eisely in that it attracts the most dangerous elements from both cultures. Since the Klingons intend to attack the human race with everything they've got, Quantum and Qrew are once again enlisted to save Earth.