Episode Report Card Strega: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Strifeboat
By Strega | Season 1 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.12.2002
When we return, Malcolm is dictating his last will and testament. Or at least the "testament" part. He says, "It is my intention to recount the events that led to the destruction of the Starship Enterprise, and to express my deepest feelings regarding my short, but memorable, service with Starfleet." Is he going to write a poem? In the background, Trip announces that he'd do the same, except that he's trying to fix the ship. Malcolm rewinds to omit Trip's comments, and then starts recording again as he explains that he and Trip were sent out to test the shuttle pod's targeting scanners, but they experienced a sharp jolt, and then their sensors went out. Then he just describes what we already know. I mean, except for the Enterprise not being destroyed, which we know and they don't. Trip finally asks if Malcolm could quit narrating and start helping. But when Malcolm asks how he can help, Trip says, "You can hold this flashlight or turn down the heat -- whatever you want!" So, why can't he go on recording a log? Trip answers that right away: "I'm just a little tired of listening to your pessimism." They bicker about whether Malcolm's being realistic or pessimistic, and how likely it is that they'll find some help within the next nine days. Trip insists that there are all kinds of kooky do-gooders out there who might run into them: "Vulcans, Klingons, Suliban, Xyrillians, Andorians..." Not to mention Pollyannas! I try to fit Trip's list to Tom Lehrer's "The Elements," but it doesn't work out too well.
Malcolm decides it's time for dinner, and checks out the rations. Trip asks for meatloaf and mashed potatoes, and Malcolm takes the sea bass. They also find a bottle of bourbon in the locker. Trip tries to justify this by saying, "The captain was planning to give that to somebody." So he stashed it on a shuttle pod? And not, say, in his quarters? Should that make sense? I think the writers left it there while touring the set. Long, silent minutes pass as Malcolm cooks the rations and they dig in. The dinner trays are the exact shape of Lean Cuisine entrees. If that's what they are, Malcolm should have gone for the chicken enchilada. Mmmm.
Some time later, Malcolm is dictating a letter to someone. It's way too boring to describe, even by comparison with what's going on. He implies that there's some estrangement with the eventual recipients, and gets as far as saying, "I would hate to go to my death thinking that either of you felt I was trying to avoid --" That's when Trip can't take any more. He's curled up under a blanket on a couch, and finally rolls over and begs Malcolm to shut up. Malcolm keeps recording, and explains to his listener that "Mister Tucker doesn't share my belief that it is essential to say what must be said, to leave a record, tie up loose ends." Trip grrrs and sits up to say, "Mr. and Mrs. Reed? I realize that you've just begun a period of mourning and that I'll never get an answer to this question, but I gotta ask it anyway: Was Malcolm always this cynical?" Oooh, he called him "cynical." Having dealt this vicious blow, Trip triumphantly curls back up under the blanket. Malcolm sniffs that eventually Trip will have to come to grips with their dire situation, and might decide he wants to dictate some goodbyes himself. If that happens, Malcolm says, "You have my word, I will not interrupt you." Trip growls that he just wants to get some sleep, but Malcolm thinks it's a waste to use any of their remaining time sleeping. Even though their oxygen would last longer if they were lying there quietly instead of shouting at each other all the time. Trip threatens to get cranky, shuts off the log, and tells Malcolm to rest.
Malcolm suddenly wakes up on a bed in sick bay. Dr. Phlox tells him to stay still. Trip is unconscious in a neighboring bed. I wish I were having a dream sequence, too. Malcolm asks what happened, and Captain Quantum assures him that he was very brave and saved Trip's life. Dr. Phlox says they'll explain what happened in the morning, after Malcolm's had more rest. They wander out, and we see that T'Pol is standing there, staring at Malcolm. He asks what happened again, and T'Pol purrs that Captain Quantum wants to have the fun of telling Malcolm how brave he was. She goes on praising his courage, and sits on the bed next to him. He asks if he can call her T'Pol, she asks if she can call him Malcolm, he says he never much liked his name. T'Pol says that "Mol-com is the Vulcan word for serenity." Malcolm says he'll stick with his given name in that case, adding that he was getting fond of the name "Stinky." Um. Has someone called him that? Should this make sense, or are they assuming that the viewers will already be too numb to care? Just wondering. ["During 'The Andorian Incident,', we were told that Vulcans think humans smell. No mention of a 'Stinky' nickname, though." -- Sars] T'Pol allows one side of her mouth to twitch slightly, and Malcolm gleefully insists that he made her smile. He keeps saying "Stinky" and this scene just goes on and on and on, and I think that the letterbox format suits this show, because the less of my screen that's taken up with this, the better. T'Pol leans down very close to Malcolm, and she's just about to bite his nose off so that he doesn't have to worry about smelling any stinks ever again, when a sudden burst of static wakes him up.