Episode Report Card Djb: D | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Yawn. Look, Another Penis.
By Djb | Season 4 | Episode 6 | Aired on 08.15.2000
I swear, if this subplot didn't feature Ryan O'Reily as the focal point of the entire operation, I'd fast forward through the thing like it was a damn Verizon Wireless commercial. O'Reily hides in a corner of some stock room making calls on the cell phone, all of the "when can I get that?" and "well, I'll need it by Friday" variety. Oooooh. "That" and "it." Such alluring topics worthy of basing an entire season's worth of plot development on. He hangs up. Meanwhile, Querns enters Stanislofsky's cell in protective custody and comments, "You called for me," in a way that I don't know whether it's a joke or not. "Called"? Get it? Yeah, me neither. Querns tells Stanislofsky that if he won't tell him why he's so afraid of Hoyt, he's going to end the red Commie bastard's tenure in PC and put him back in Em City. So Stanislofsky recaps the inert cell phone subplot while I spend some time throwing up my hands and wondering why I went through all the trouble in the first place. Herewith: Galino. Cell phone. O'Reily. "That." "It." Blah. Cut to Querns marching up to O'Reily and demanding the cell phone. Cell phones, O'Reily deadpans, are "against the rules. Mr. Querns." Back in PC, Querns tells Stanislofsky that he's sending him back to die because Stanislofsky cannot prove his story. Stanislofsky requests to see his girlfriend and a rabbi, which sounds very, very much like the beginning of a hilarious Russian-themed joke which continues "walk into a Russian bar" and ends, "Now quit Stalin and don't give me any more Bolshevik!"
Cut to Stanislofsky and his girlfriend. He tells her he is very likely to die, but that she must do him one favor and call [hands her slip of paper] this phone number at 5 pm sharp. Like I'm supposed to have absolutely no idea what's about to happen. And, because every clock on the planet is perfectly synchronized to the second, the phone rings at 5 pm to the Em City second. The guards uncover the phone taped to the bottom of chair, and O'Reily looks very, very guilty. Cut to O'Reily and Hoyt being interviewed separately by Querns. Big lies all around. Oh, um, and somewhere in there Hill made a speech. Ring. Hello? No one cares. Click.
O'Reily pod. Ryan tells Adebisi that he wants Stanislofsky dead, a conversational thread that dies way after it should have when Adebisi indicates that Cyril hasn't spent much time looking not dead these past few days. When Ryan can't wake him, he calls for a guard and we cut, real ER-style, to Cyril being wheeled into the infirmary. Oops. He ODed on the Haldol. Again, oops. Ryan paces outside of a rather tall set of bars and Said approaches in an attempt to comfort him. Ryan tells Said he thinks Gloria did this in purpose. Cut to Sister Pete walking into Gloria's office, where Sister Pete begins the process of trying to convince Gloria that Keenan's attack on her was random and that O'Reily had nothing to do with it.