Episode Report Card Pamie: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Jess Is a Tool
By Pamie | Season 2 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.25.2002
The apartment is really a house. The realtor tells Luke that the owner of the house might spruce up the floors a bit. Lorelai is wearing a go-go outfit. Was that what she was wearing at work? What kind of patrons do you think they get at the Independence Inn? Is it like a B&B kind of clientele, or is it some kind of business place near Hartford? Huh. These are the things that keep me up at night, people. The realtor thinks that Lorelai and Luke are married, probably because they keep flirting in front of her. Lorelai doesn't let Luke correct the realtor, and just keeps going on about how great it is being married to a big lug like Luke. The realtor is a woman who was on Mr. Show, but I don't know her name. Lorelai calls Luke "Snuffy" as a pet name. Luke asks the realtor (named Mary) to leave them alone for a minute. Lorelai promises they won't do anything dirty. Mary the Realtor says that if she and her husband looked like Luke and Lorelai, they'd be having sex all over the place. "Oh, you are bad!" Lorelai squeals. The realtor leaves the rental agreement with Luke in case he decides to fill it out. She says she hopes they take it because the apartment's got a great "vibe" for a couple like them. Then she walks into what should be a wall, so I don't know where she disappears to.
Lorelai teases Luke for turning thirteen different shades of red. Luke scolds Lorelai. He grumbles that the realtor used the word "vibe." Lorelai tells Luke to break the apartment down in order to find out if he wants to take it or not. He says it's too big. Lorelai says it's not. He says he doesn't need two bathrooms. Lorelai says he does. Luke says that he likes being on the bottom floor. But he's not on the bottom floor at his current apartment, so I don't know why this is a concern. Luke asks Lorelai what her problems are with the place. She says she doesn't have any problems. She says it's great -- light and airy without too many windows. It's close to work and has a good price and the floors will be spruced. It's just a two-year lease. Lorelai tosses off "two-year lease" like it's nothing. Whatever, Lorelai. You can't even keep a fiancé for two months. She says that Luke needs to get a bigger place. Luke says he doesn't know how long Jess will be around anyway, since he won't be in school next year and Luke will be stuck in this big apartment all alone. Hey, guys! Jess will only be around for another year! Huzzah! They're already working on writing him out of the show! Lorelai tells Luke that Jess might go off somewhere someday, but that Luke still needs a new, bigger apartment in case one day he finally finds that special lady friend ("a big, pretty dish of loving with a spoon made especially for [Luke]"), since Rachel isn't the only woman who will ever be in his life. Lorelai tells Luke that he can't take a woman back to that place above the diner. This is a long scene. She says that someday Luke will meet someone ("probably at a Timberland store") and he'll want to take her on a date ("juice bar followed by the batting cages"), and then he'll want to take her home. Luke offers Lorelai any amount of money to stop talking right now. Lorelai doesn't stop, and says that once that girl sees Luke's teeny, tiny apartment and Jess's dead body frozen inside it, Luke's new lover will run for her life. Especially once she sees the single bed -- the symbol of a man who has no room in his life for someone else. Luke says that he just doesn't have room in his bed for someone else. Lorelai says it's the same difference. Luke declares the conversation over. Lorelai says that as long as he's in that apartment, he'll have a single bed. She says he should have the possibility for more. He should make a move and take a shot and go past this "Unabomber existence." Luke asks for a pen. Lorelai scrambles through her purse. He says he's not taking the spruce. "Yes, you are," Lorelai answers.