Episode Report Card Daniel: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Heavy Metal Bummer
By Daniel | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 02.03.2008
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Cameron's figured out that Chrome Artie is still "alive," because in the grainy cell phone video shot from inside a car at night, she's able to magnify a section of screen well enough to see Artie's skull, eyes ablaze. Piece that with the news of a stolen shipment of coltan (which is a metal used to make Terminators even awesomer), and the Connor Crew gets the idea to attack Chrome Artie while he's (they assume) vulnerable. Well, it's John's idea, and Sarah's not wild about it. But he ignores her, and things go pear-shaped, since the one responsible for the coltan theft is not Chrome Artie (who's still caught up in a totally different show: Extreme Terminator Makeover, forcing a plastic surgeon to make him look like some poor schmuck who leaves half-eaten Hot Pockets around the house). But since there is enough coltan to make 500-plus little baby Terminators, John wants to, you know, be a hero and destroy it, or get rid of it.
Only he winds up getting himself accidentally kidnapped, and gets taken to the future site of a Terminator factory (Cameron's own birthplace, actually!), and locked inside a blast shelter with a sleeping Terminator standing sentinel. John has to get the key to the blast doors from around the dormant Terminator's neck. He does it, which is one more reason why he's the future leader of the human resistance and I'm not: if I had to do that, there would have been a lot more pants-shitting. The doors open; Cameron fights the new guy, wins, and locks him inside the blast shelter; and they dump the coltan in a lake (except for one piece that Cameron takes with her, which could be her parents, after all).
Meanwhile, Ellison is still trying to piece together all these murder scenes with crazy not-blood blood. He's being completely undermined by one of his colleagues, who I'm guessing will turn out to be a Terminator from the Office Douchebag series. "Come with me if you want to spend all day in meetings working on spreadsheets and filling out paperwork." Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Dr. David Lyman, a plastic surgeon, sits at his desk taking oral notes on one of his patients, when he hears a noise. "Hello?" he says, and gets up to investigate. He walks through the hallway of his deserted clinic, and finally finds the Homeless Snake Eyes, cycling through a computer file of, presumably, patients. "You can't be in here," says the doctor, and not, "Also, those are confidential." Sarah starts in with a voice-over, reflecting on telling John the story of the Golem of Prague, although it might have helped if someone told her not to pronounce it "Gollum." Homeless Snake Eyes has settled on some dude played by Garrett Dillahunt (his analysis of Dillahunt's facial structure is that it appears to be a "92% match"), recently seen as Jesus in the awesomely titled The Book of Daniel, as well as appearing in No Country For Old Men. Also, if Peter Krause ever needs someone to portray his brother, Dillahunt should get that role every time.
"You do reconstructive surgery?" says Snake Eyes in his electronicky voice. Lyman: yep, just come back on Monday. "I need reconstructive surgery," no-duhs Snake Eyes. Lyman tells Snake Eyes to leave now, or he'll call the police. Snake Eyes turns to face Lyman; he's taken his goggles off, and we can see his creepy, unnatural skin. But it's not all bad; based on his new look, he's going to be starring in White Chicks 2.
As Sarah's voice-over tells us about how John the big baby couldn't sleep for a week after the Golem story ends with the Golem killing everybody, Sarah looks at John in his room, on his computer, browser on a tribute page for Jordon Cowan, also known as She Bangs. The top entry reads, "too bad you were hot!" Hee! The next entry reads, "We were just a [sic] sharing a yogurt yesterday" like maybe she went to school with Super Mario. Just as John starts typing his own entry ("I'm sorry") Sarah strolls in to say he's up a little late. Noticing his homework, she understands his insomnia, since she could never get her head around covalent and ionic bonding either. Her real reason for coming in is to ask if he wants to talk about whatever's bothering him. But he won't admit that anything is bothering him, so Sarah talks about how there's a memorial service for Jordon this week. That'll be fun. Let's hope the guy who yelled "Jump!" and the "too bad you were hot!" guy can show up to pay their respects in person. Sarah asks if John's planning to go, and he snaps off some garbage about how "plans are for people in control of their own lives." Sarah, instead of smacking him, says she doesn't want him to blame himself. "Who said I blame myself?" says John, glaring at Cameron, who's just walked in with the news that Chrome Artie is there. Not there there, but now there. You know?